Advice

  • This topic has 30 replies, 5 voices, and was last updated 1 month ago by Hmum.
Viewing 15 posts - 1 through 15 (of 31 total)
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  • #57299 Report

    Kazob79
    Participant

    My household has got so much worse in the last couple of months. My 8 Yr old has now been diagnosed with adhd, my 12 year old has severe behaviour issues I think there is something underlying eg pda and my 16 year old has become so violent and verbal.

    I spent the last couple of weeks being hit, kicked, shouted and swore at, having things thrown at me by both my older children. If they are not arguing and fighting with each other, they are fighting with me or destroying the house. My 12 year old has got temper that goes from 0 to 100 within secs and he will constantly hurt his younger brother and attack me. But now his older sister will attack him every chance she gets, she will attack me if I give her consequence or if I ask her to go to room or outside to calm down. I’m at my wits end with them.

    It’s got that bad that I have no feeling of life left. I don’t want to be here as there no point to it, I self harm daily and have attempted sucide due to this. The kids have wore me down and I feel defeated and I cant cope with any of it anymore.

    Sorry for the long post

    #57313 Report

    Hmum
    Participant

    I’m so sorry to hear you’re having such a tough time. I think most people would find dealing with the kind of stuff you’ve described really really hard. I think theres a few things going on and I think it would be great if you  could get some help as that’s a heavy load to be carrying on your own…so I totally understand how tiring and draining it all feels.. So maybe its time now to reach out and ask for help.. Is there someone who can help with the kids, to even give you a break,?  Are there supports you could contact and use to get help for your child with adhd…? Is there someone who could even come in for a little while regularly so you can just get out and  catch your breath, or have some alone time, someone  who you can just to talk to, share your feelings.. I think you’re in a tough situation and I think we’re not superhuman and sometimes we need some kind of shoulder to lean on  or ear to listen and I think you need to reach out and talk to someone, even if there’s no one you know or can think of or you’d feel comfortable with who could help or listen, talk to a Councillor or here or wherever but talk and share these feelings, you’re in such a tough place and I totally get that but try and reach out and get a bit of a hand pulling yourself out of this tough spot because it doesn’t seem possible right now but it is.. You just need a hand and a listen and some support, even if you get that bit of support it might make a difference and build you back up a bit and you can go from there but please be kind to yourself, please talk to someone, please talk here, please don’t give up

    #57323 Report

    Hmum
    Participant

    Just wondering how you’re feeling today?

    #57324 Report

    Kazob79
    Participant

    Hi

    Not feeling good at all. I been attacked again by my 12 year old because it was raining so he couldn’t go out, it was all my fault. Front room got destroyed, things got thrown round room and at me. Then his sister and himself started arguing and fighting.

    I have had a permanent headache the last 3 days I think because of the stress. I just can’t keep doing this, I’m tired of fighting for my kids and for myself

     

    #57329 Report

    steve3334
    Participant

    do you have any family close by? maybe they can spend a day or few days there as its the holidays?

    #57330 Report

    Hmum
    Participant

    Agree with Steve, very hard to face this on your own…. Is there anyone you could ask some help from? Tough situation you’re in, perfectly OK to ask for help…

    #57332 Report

    Hmum
    Participant

    Do you maybe have some separate areas in your house to go to to just stop things escalating when arguments or tensions start, just for now, give everyone a bit of space and kids time to cool down, maybe discuss and agree it with them first?

    #57340 Report

    Kazob79
    Participant

    I have noone who will help have the kids around me I’m literally on my own dealing with their behaviour.

    When the older 2 kick off they are meant to go outside or to their rooms to cool off. I even made my 12 Yr old a cool down area, this is also what the police have said to them when they have attended. They just refuse to seperate they would rather carry on and hurt each other.

    When they start attacking me I have to also protect my youngest as he frequently gets hurt by the 12 Yr old. It’s so hard when we all in the house I need to keep my older 2 seperate permanently as they really hate each other.

    #57342 Report

    Hmum
    Participant

    Oh my gosh that’s so tough and  it’s really hard on your own…. I’m  sorry you’re having such a hard time.. Are there any supports who could help locally like a parents group you could sit and physically talk to.. Or a adhd parents support  group who might give strategies to help you get the kids to go to their cool down areas,i know there are support  groups for teens with adhd online, maybe that might help, it gives them another outlet to talk and takes a bit of pressure off you,you can’t be the only person in this situation so there  must be supports and strategies available? What about psychology services, do you think something like that would help, might help build the kids self control and help them manage their tempers and feelings?

    #57343 Report

    Hmum
    Participant

    Maybe psychology services could support the whole family? Help you all come up with a plan and offer supports and strategies you all can agree on, work with you individually and together as a family, maybe they can help you all agree on what the problems are and how all feel about that and what you all want from life, what you all want to change and identify what goals you want,  and  give you the tools and supports to get there… So that when x situation happens you agree to do whatever the psychology team advise, agree as a family.. Really try to pick out the issues and use psychologists to get the tools  work, so I on it like a team, have a chat and review how you did on situation, keep diaries about what’s going on so you have more info to give psychologist and keep going weekly tu them to , keep following the strategies or skills kinda thing…? That’s what these guys are there for, they’ve experience in these areas?

    #57354 Report

    steve3334
    Participant

    is there any activities they may be interested in going. football club, swimming, martial arts? even if one or 2 go, it would be good way to separate them for a while.

    #57372 Report

    Hi there Kazob79

    Thanks for posting and I hope chatting with others here is useful.  Please keep an eye out for a private message as I will be sending you through some signposting options.

    Best wishes, Justine

     

    #57378 Report

    Kazob79
    Participant

    I’m struggling to find a service that will accept us including psychologists. Noone believes how bad my household is, there is literally arguments and violence every day. I have even had to move my 8 Yr old bed into my room as my oldest son can’t be left alone with him. The kids go dancing 3 times a week but they even argue there I just need to get away from it all

     

    #57398 Report

    Hmum
    Participant

    How are things with you?

    #57399 Report

    Kazob79
    Participant

    Hi

    Not great at all I have had to get the police involved tonight as my 16 year old attacked her brother and attacked me, this lasted for 2 hours. I just don’t want to do this anymore, every day is a fight I literally got no energy or strength left.

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