Addict husband

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  • #60665 Report

    Tazmin09
    Participant

    Hi,

    I’m looking for help to understand things as I currently feel like I’m going mad. My husband has recently walked out on my and my daughter, we have been togther 18years. He left and said he didn’t love me anymore and that he hadn’t loved me for 12 months. A few days later he was out with a new gf this only lasted a few weeks and she realised he was a liar. He told her our whole life story how we split ages ago and that I’m a horrible person. I should mention my husband is a cocaine addict this all came to light at the start of the year. He takes stupid amounts as I’ve been told and I’m surprised his alive still.

    he had sectioned himself to sort himself out which I supported and then came home and within 6 weeks left me. I’ve since found out he is using more and more he don’t help me with nothing lives with his mom who is always paying drug dealers off and lending him money. He don’t pay for our daughter.

    she blocked him when he left and his made no attempt to sort his life out and make contact with her. Which there are ways.
    ive found myself at rock bottom struggling as to why he just left. His been with numerous girls since and apparently now has a new gf. This all breaks my heart that he could just do all this to us and never speak to us again like we are to blame.. I’ve cut all contact now for my own sanity but it’s hard.. why would he stay with me if he didn’t love me? Has drugs done this to him? He always told me he loved me right up until the day he left. I can’t get my head around it all.

    #60669 Report

    JuneB
    Participant

    Hi Tazmin

    You are not going mad. So sorry you are going through this and everything you are feeling is really common for partners, families friends of people with substance use disorder. Substances and the dependency affect their brains and behaviours and chaos ensues. All you can do is remember it is his problem and it sounds like there is some mental health issues  involved too which is really common. He needs help to get well. None of this is your fault.  All you can do is protect yourself and the children and make sure you get some extra support, ie counselling advice etc as there are organisations that help families with this too. Read up on the disorder too as you will hear so many of what you talk about in your post.. You and your children will be ok.  Stick in there Of course its confusing and there will be bad days but hopefully the better days aren’t too far away and there will be more of them. Take care X 

     

    #60670 Report

    Tazmin09
    Participant

    Hi June,

    ye I’m just really confused and seem to blame myself a lot. It turns out drugs have been going on along time I just never knew until this year. He don’t speak to any of the family and friends he once had the only people he speaks to also do the drugs.

    what hurts is moving on with these girls as if I was never a thought. How can he stop caring like that.

    ive asked for counselling now which is starting next week. I’ve begged him to change for his daughters sake but he tells me he hasn’t got a problem and I need to sort my head out.. that’s why I’ve cut contact because it messes with my head.

    when he first left he hadn’t loved me for ages hated me and I’d made him this person then only a week ago it was great years together and he still loves me but not in that way. I’ve heard about numerous girls but each time he denies it to me. I just don’t get it all

    there are also mental health issues which the doctor gave him anti depressants for and counselling but he never bothered to go.

     

    thanks For the reply it helps to talk. X

    • This reply was modified 2 weeks, 4 days ago by Tazmin09.
    #60672 Report

    JuneB
    Participant

    Please don’t blame yourself. Unfortunately when substances take over that is the strongest relationship between the person and the drug whatever you do won’t make a difference until he admits he has a  problem and he needs help and accepts that help. He needs to go on that path himself.It is heartbreaking feeling you ve lost someone to it particularly if you still love them and it’s going to take you a while to build yourself up again as all the behaviours have been probably building for a long while and been effecting you and confusing you. All the relationships he is having with the other girls and anyone at the moment won’t be proper relationships as you can’t have a proper healthy relationship when you are dependent on drugs,in denial and not getting help so they will just be another chaotic behaviour…..

    You can and will get through this. Reach out to people that are positive for you and remember you and your daughter deserve to be loved and looked after and he is not in a place to do this.

    Glad you are starting counselling. Take care x

    #60689 Report

    BezzaBazza
    Participant

    Hi

    my ex is an alcoholic, all she does is lie, usually at my experience, she does it for sympathy or just to get what she wants. It’s tragic, my heart goes out  to you. Wish I could give you some advice but really there’s little you can do, just turn away.

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