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  • #30677 Report



    I separated from my husband two years ago. He refused to leave the family home. And after renting for 14 months the boys and I had to move back as he was deducting maintenance payments and not paying the mortgage.

    He first refused us to move back and there was an incident in our house when he locked me out.

    After this he promised not to drink around the children and me. An agreement he put in writing to my solicitor.

    He broke it within weeks. We had our FDR in Sep and he turned up without representation refusing to negotiate.

    We have the next hearing in 6 months!

    I have moved out with the children as I cannot live with him. We are now living with friends. He is refusing to let me stay in our house without him and refusing to pay the full costs and refusing to rent the house out.

    He is insisting that I bring the boys back. They have lived with me for 2 years and he only ever had them every other weekend. This was his wish.

    His drinking has got worse. He drank with them in the day the other week after school pickup.

    I can no longer leave them with him over night he drinks two bottles of wine and once left them in the house and went to the shop when he thought they were asleep. They are 6 and 8.

    Can anyone advise if I can legally stop him having them especially over night.

    Does anyone had a similar issue





    #30678 Report



    I understand your worry about your boys and your ex’s drinking habits and leaving them alone at night. In my opinion there are quite major safeguarding issues.

    I think it might be worth having a chat with social services but I can understand if you don’t want them involved although they arnt as bad as many believe. Failing that try this organisation:

    ‘Rights of women 020 7251 6577 We are a women’s charity working in a number of ways to help women through the law. Our vital services aim to provide women with the legal advice and information they need to understand and use the law and their legal rights.’


    #30683 Report


    The responses you have had so far is amazing advice.

    Firstly, I am so sorry that you are going through such a difficult time right now.

    The answer to your question is YES. you most certainly can. At least until he has his addictions under control. This individual left 2 minors in a house alone to go and purchase alcohol. He needs to be held liable for that, he needs to understand the detrimental effects his actions can have on the children when drinking obsessively. Anything could have happened. Courts may possibly be soft and order supervised contact providing he seeks professional help but he already broke an agreement so who knows, you most certainly have grounds for a full custody hearing! He clearly lacks the mental capacity to keep his children safe! I say fight for what you feel is right. His actions are alcohol-fuelled and addiction is an illness. He needs to find support now. Making an application to the courts could be exactly what he needs to push him to accept that he has an issue. THIS IS JUST MY OPINION.


    There is clearly a safeguarding concern as far as you are concerned and yes you could approach social services.

    Social services will try to insist that there is no safeguarding concern as you are not living in the marital home and the children reside with you so there is no cause for them to be concerned because you are the primary caregiver. ” The risk has been removed”. Have a read of the children act 1989, it clearly states the guidelines for what is referred to as a child in need and it may be worth asking to be assessed under these circumstances.

    <span style=”font-family: Lato,sans-serif;”><span style=”color: #006000;”>I<span style=”text-align: left; text-transform: none; line-height: 1.87rem; text-indent: 0px; letter-spacing: normal; font-size: 16px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; word-spacing: 0px; display: inline !important; white-space: normal; orphans: 2; float: none; -webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; background-color: #ffffff;”>f your children will be unlikely to “achieve or maintain” or, “have an opportunity of achieving or maintaining, “a reasonable standard” of health or development and/if their “health or development is likely to be significantly  impaired or further impaired” without support, you may be eligible for a child in need assessment. Persist forcefully with them formally if you do need their help because they have the ability to reshape lives. </span></span></span><b></b><i></i><u></u><span style=”text-decoration: line-through;”></span>

    It also appears as if the father has already broken existing agreements, why did he have to agree to this and what did he really lose from not sticking to it?? RHETORICAL QUESTION OF COURSE.

    I do not mean to sound presumptuous but this individual can not control himself but clearly tries to control others, He sounds as if he has been very spiteful to you at times which is upsetting. Maybe you could get some advice from WOMENSAID, they would have plenty of information, support and advice for you in a situation like this.

    You need legal advice and gentle support in terms of self-help for yourself and how you cope and also how you go forward with the children, preferably the solicitor you had before. I hope they are able to progress this situation for you and your children and help you to find a reasonable solution to help you move forward. The FDR should hopefully resolve any financial disputes as soon as possible for the sake of the children.


    Best Wishes


























    #30693 Report


    Thank you so much. Sadly we now on third hearing as the FDR this month did not lead to much. As my ex turned up a bit drunk and without representation.


    #30703 Report

    Gingerbread Dan

    Hello Gbg77, you have received some great advice here. Just to let you know, you can also call Gingerbread’s free helpline, where our expert advisers can offer advice on a range of issues. The number is 0808 802 0925 and the opening hours are: Monday 10am-6pm, Tuesday, Thursday & Friday 10am-4pm, Wednesday 10am-1pm & 5pm-7pm.

    Kind regards,

    Gingerbread Dan

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