Access to newborn

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  • #63818 Report

    Emmanic92
    Participant

    I am currently pregnant with my first child and my partner left me at 14 weeks pregnant. He is insisting he have 3 overnight stays one week and 4 the next as soon as the baby is born. I have requested we start overnights from around 3/4 months old but I am willing to let him have as much time as possible through the day and alone time as well. Am I being unreasonable? I just don’t think it’s suitable for a newborn to be away from its Mother straight away and for those periods of time overnight.

    #63819 Report

    Andrew uk
    Participant

    I don’t think that you are being unreasonable. You might need to formalise the arrangement, in writing etc. 4 overnight stays is more than half though. Maybe too much? I agree with you. A baby needs their mum.

    #63820 Report

    Andrew uk
    Participant

    Get a McKenzie Friend to advise you. Get a parenting plan drawn up.

    #63827 Report

    CA21
    Participant

    My advice is don’t agree anything yet until the baby is here and see how you feel.

    #63828 Report

    CA21
    Participant

    Sorry I didn’t finish the message. My partner left when my baby was 4 months and he is now 10 months and I still wouldn’t agree to overnights.

    #63829 Report

    Kaurageous
    Participant

    If you are breastfeeding overnight stays would not work, I would be reluctant to agree to anything you can’t plan this in advance.

    #63840 Report

    steve3334
    Participant

    I ended up going through courts. and they gave a slow and gradual plan. was seeing child for 1 or 2 hours. then went to 4-8 hours. overnights started when she turned 2 and a half. if parents can agree then it could start earlier.

    #63842 Report

    Emmanic92
    Participant

    I really want to avoid anything legal and I thought by allowing any day time access and overnights from 3/4 months was more than reasonable. Would courts do similar to your situation Steve if it got there? I don’t want him to have less time that proposed by me if he takes it that far.

    #63849 Report

    sirtobi
    Participant

    We used a breast pump and froze breast milk. There has never been any problem, when the mother was away.

    #63908 Report

    dannii009
    Participant

    I agree with the person above saying wait until the baby is here as I suspect you’ll feel  very differently then. And read up about infants and overnight care post relationship breakup and how it impacts babies and their attachment. Personally I’d put the child first and wait until it’s a toddler before you do overnights away from its primary caregiver. Short but frequent visits from dad will help build a healthy bond in the meantime.

    #64224 Report

    Huntygirl1995
    Participant

    I had the exact same situation, I spilit with my youngests dad when I was nearly 5 months pregnant, he demanded to have him 3 days and nights a week which I refused a small baby should be with mummy, I also wanted to breastfeed in which he said the courts will make me stop or pump so he can have him (they can’t do that) I was lucky in a way as we went into first lockdown a week after he was born and me and my two boys went to live with my parents on their farm for 2 months which he obviously hated as he had a high risk job and couldn’t see him in person I did faceitme and send pics, anyway I didn’t start over nights with him until 6 months old, although I wish I had of waited longer he wants him 50/50 from when he turns to but his gf and mum have him more then he does so that’s why I’m refusing still if he had him more I’d say yes, every situation is different but babies should stay with mum overnight for the 1st year of life atleast, my sons dad has him 2-3 nights a week

Viewing 11 posts - 1 through 11 (of 11 total)

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