Access to new born

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  • #40056 Report


    Hi all

    Looking for some advice. I’m currently 6 months pregnant ex walked out on me in a very explosive break up another woman involved. He sent very nasty texts to the point I nearly needed to get police involved. Told me the child could find him when they were older and he was happy with his life. Screamed abuse down the phone at me when I rang him from the hospital with a suspected miscarriage and then turned off his phone leaving me alone with no things with me.. told me hed go to scans but never showed up and that’s just the tip of the iceberg. There was even worse than that.

    Subsequently he blocked my number and there was no contact for 3 months however out of the blue he contactse but it made me very anxious as he was very demanding wanting the child to have his surname. Would then ignore me for 2 days and text again but if I didnt reply within a few hours he would bombard me with messages. It becase do stressful and communication broke down again and were no longer on speaking terms.

    I would just like some advice on how much access to have when baby is very small? He lives an hour away and for the first 6 weeks I dont think I’d be comfortable driving a small baby a 2 hour round trip for visitation plus with lack of sleep and I’ll be breastfeeding I do t think I’ll be up to it.

    I did ask him to go to mediation however he refused and we lost our place on the list ..theres an 18 week waiting list now and there is a 5 month back log to go to court which he has threatened but I dont think he realises the waiting period due to covid 19.

    So where do I go from here? I want him to see his baby but from what i gather i think he expects to take baby on his own very early on which i will not agree to as I’ll be breastfeeding and I dont want my new born to be an hour away from me when they’re so small.




    #40057 Report


    Hi GraceyMay,


    I suggest you stay in line with typical access arrangements the court would grant for a newborn which would be;

    – an hour or so access, with you present, every second or third day for the first couple of months, to build a bond.  Baby should not be separated from its mum for the first few months.
    – gradually move on to a couple of hours contact, then IF there is a bond, longer hours, working up to overnight at maybe 18 months or two years.

    Remember this is about what is best for the child, NOT what either parent wants.

    Definitely don’t drive that far, so soon after birth, that’s his job. Also don’t put your ex on the birth certificate. If it is important to him, he should put in the effort. And don’t give the child his surname. His behaviour so far means you will be the primary carer and life will be much easier if you use your own name.
    Good luck x

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