Access following emotional abuse

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    Hi,

    I left my partner 3 months ago after Realising I had suffered years of emotional manipulation and bullying. I now have a support worker (after Being on a waiting list) and they have been very supportive and confirmed that what I experienced (and still do) was abuse.

    Communication  has Been terrible as my ex uses this to continue to exert control and gaslight wherever they can. they are currently furloughed and I work part time. We have built up to access To being 3 full days per week including one overnight. Our child is 2.5 years old. My ex insists they will go to court for 50/50 custody which has chipped away at me and I offered another overnight. Communication had briefly improved at this point but since I offered it has seriously deteriorated including further bullying. They still aren’t happy with 2 overnights but have accepted for now. But since I offered that, based on improved comms, things have gone downhill as I say and I feel better informed and supported in regards to the abuse. I have no evidence of abuse towards my child but I know that abusers do have an effect on their children, often displaying the same behaviour Towards them and I have to protect my child from that  It is highly unlikely that my child would escape being victim to this behaviour at some point. I feel that 3 full days is already more than enough time and more than they would have when at work full time. Because of his behaviour, I want to rescind my Offer of a second overnight and in revising this I would rather think about what access will look like when they are back at work and wondered what other experiences were – of cooperating with abusers (and the impact on the child), of those trying to navigate this during the covid crisis, and just more generally. I am keen to explore alternate weekends but not sure how that works in reality. I also want my child to start nursery, just a half day or 1 day for now, and therefore even the 3 full days Doesn’t feel feasible.

    apparently 50/50 is increasingly common but I can’t let that happen without a fight. It is absolutely not in my child’s interests Given his nature and how our family set up was previously. I have always been the primary carer, by quite a way. I’d be keen to hear your experiences.

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