23 June 2021 at 5:31 pm #55586
I am new to here today, so firstly hello! Can you share your access arrangments. My ex has requested to review arrangements as he is now more available due to changing his work hours. Though this goes hand in hand with him wanting to lower my maintenance. I have lots going on with problems with one of my children, and I just cannot focus my mind on what is fair.
I want something that is structured for the girls, allows time with him, and also allows myself and him to have free time to try and build a life (though he did that instantly mind!). We are only 10 mins drive apart so back and forth is simple. What arrangements do you guys have?
Donna23 June 2021 at 11:17 pm #55606
it’s good that you both live close by, so he can do school runs if his work is flexible. I have been through courts seeking more time. my arrangements are friday-mon every other weekend (school pick ups and drops) and mon-tue overnight every other week. half of school holidays more or less. would have liked more but ex is not amicable. hope that changes in future.
you could look at doing a 50/50 arrangement. 3 days on, 3 days off. 7 days on 7 days off.24 June 2021 at 2:05 am #55607
Why does him having more time on his hands/having more access to kids means lowering his payments? Does it mean your bills will be lowered? It just sounds like he thinks it’s a job now and he’s being paid to look after the kids out of the payments he makes to you.Could be I’ve misunderstood,but I don’t see why your payments should be cut.Sounds like you have enough on your hands.I
‘Fair’ that you mention,is whatever works for both of you and your kids.There’s no rules in this life.24 June 2021 at 2:39 pm #55642
its those child maintenance rules. where if a paying parent has kids overnight, he gets reduction in payments based on number of nights per week/year. there’s many cases out there where a parent refuses to let other parent have the kids for nights, so they can receive the full amount in child maintenance, which I find disgusting. children should be put first and what is good for them. It’s a good thing that the courts made child contact and money 2 separate issues.24 June 2021 at 9:53 pm #55647
I have 50/50 with my ex-husband.
We initially had our children set weeknights and alternate weekends.
Now they are older we have week on week off, which feels fairer in terms of supporting after-school activities, health appointments etc. I have also found that easier for people to follow, which helped with developing my “independent life”.
Feel free to message me if you want details24 June 2021 at 10:16 pm #55648
If you don’t mind i’m researching a bit: you say you do 50/50,does that mean the kids house hop or the parents do? And if you don’t mind me asking…is everyone happy with that arrangement?24 June 2021 at 10:38 pm #55649
Our children move between the 2 houses.
I did suggest a “nest and satellite” approach, with parents moving into the family home when they were on duty, (less disruptive for the children) but my ex wasn’t up for it. And with hindsight, I do think that would have made making a new life more difficult.
We have tweaked our arrangements a few times so that everyone is as happy as possible with them.25 June 2021 at 12:22 am #55652
I see.Thank you.26 June 2021 at 5:57 am #55699
It is a very complex situation. I guess it depends of the age of the children and what you think is best. My ex worked away during our marriage and I took full responsibility with regards to childcare etc as I stayed at home. He still works away but his base is 3+ hours drive away. His choice where he lives but if you are trying to build a relationship with kids it needs to remain child focused. I wish we had tried family counselling or mediation as communication is key. Unfortunately, this was not possible due to ex not wanting to communicate. He or we didn’t even discuss him leaving the family home as he just left like he was going to work. Try to focus on the children although it is difficult I still can’t get my ex to understand this.