Abusive ex take advantage of arranging contact to be verbally abusive

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  • #41358 Report

    Hi guys I’m new here and newly single.

    I left my ex 8 weeks ago due to verbal and mental abuse. We have an almost 3 year old son and I’m 13 weeks pregnant.

    Since we’ve separated my ex has become more verbally abusive. I usually block him so he cannot contact me. However I have to unblock him to arrange contact with our son and when I do he takes full advantage to verbally abuse me.

    I feel like I have separated from him to stop the verbal and mental abuse but it hasn’t stopped! I don’t respond to any of his messages except to arrange days/times of contact with our son. I am going through mediation. My biggest concern is that because I have to communicate with him regarding our son the verbal abuse will continue FOREVER or that’s what it feels like!

    Any advice please?

    #41370 Report


    I am going through something similar. I have instructed a barrister who has advised me to stick to emails or messages no phone calls unless in case of an emergency.

    I applied for a non mol order when it started however this was rejected by a judge who is very set in his ways and believes parents should always get along regardless of past issues. Explained this to barrister who said there is a clause that can be put into a court order to forbid ex partner from discussing anything other than contact arrangements in a civil manner.



    not sure if you are yet going through court proceedings but if you felt a non mol would be appropriate it is free to apply for and the court could prevent him from causing any distress by verbal abuse.

    hope this helps x

    #41732 Report


    Sorry to hear you’re going through this.

    Me and my ex separated 8 years ago, and up until 3 years ago had a relatively ‘good’ parental relationship. However since he met his current partner 3 years ago, his attitude towards me has deteriorated and I’ve had to contact the police on 4 occasions in the past 2 years for what they called domestic abuse (verbal and mental). I didn’t see it at the time, but sometimes it can take a while for reality to hit that that’s what it is.

    At the beginning of lockdown I made the decision my son wouldn’t be going as I’m asthmatic and my ex was mixing households. He started hurling abuse at me again and accused me of child neglect (which he apparently has years of evidence to prove), and I contacted a solicitor to help me.

    I am now in the process of negotiating a ‘consent order’. We are putting in times for visitation, and also that he can’t contact me unless it’s to arrange alternate child arrangements (which has to be via text so there’s a paper trail), and he’s only allowed to ring me in an emergency situation. He also has to wait at his car on pick ups/drop offs. All the same applies to me to make it fair, but no issue of me breaking the rules as I’m not the problem.

    It might be something worth looking into, that way if you’re ex does text you about anything other than child arrangements, he’s breaching the court order. I am still in the process of arranging mine, it’s been going on since April 20th, but I know in the long run it will be worth it to feel like I have my life back and not have to put up with his verbal abuse anymore.

    I hope that helps and you get something sorted.

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