Absent father, overbearing grandparents

[Louise121]

<span style=”font-family: ‘.SFUIText-Semibold’; font-weight: bold; font-size: 17pt;”>Dear all, </span>

<span style=”font-family: ‘.SFUIText-Semibold’; font-weight: bold; font-size: 17pt;”>I’d very much appreciate your experiences and advice. I’ll cut a long story short. </span>

<span style=”font-family: ‘.SFUIText-Semibold’; font-weight: bold; font-size: 17pt;”>At 4 months pregnant my partner walked out on me. I reengaged with him 4 mo the later and managed to persuade him to come to anti natal. He was glad I’d been in touch. </span>

<span style=”font-family: ‘.SFUIText-Semibold’; font-weight: bold; font-size: 17pt;”>I wanted to discuss practicalities and he wanted to discuss my sons surname.  I hadn’t thought much about it do didn’t make a verbal decision. St the same time, I had to have another scan which he cane to. I could tell the scan freaked him out from his facial expressions! </span>

<span style=”font-family: ‘.SFUIText-Semibold’; font-weight: bold; font-size: 17pt;”>Because I hadn’t commuted his surname to our son, he vanished again. I kept him up to date and sent loads of messages updating him about my pregnancy. No response. I invited him to the hospital after delivery. No response. I gave up a few weeks later as needed to concentrate on my son. </span>

<span style=”font-family: ‘.SFUIText-Semibold’; font-weight: bold; font-size: 17pt;”>He still hasn’t met my son and didn’t register his birth. </span>

<span style=”font-family: ‘.SFUIText-Semibold’; font-weight: bold; font-size: 17pt;”>Three days after delivery his parents met my son. They would like to have a relationship with him. My problem is that I’m unsure how my baby can have a relationship with his parents but not him. How do I explain to my son that his parents want to know him but his dad doesn’t. The door is always open to the Dad. I’m just not comfortable with the grand parents forming a relationship without the Dad. </span>

<span style=”font-family: ‘.SFUIText-Semibold’; font-weight: bold; font-size: 17pt;”>If we just don’t see them, surely my son won’t miss what he doesn’t have? My son has lots of significant people in his life. </span>

 

[Louise121]

Thank you for your reply.

Mom aware it’s whats in the interest of my son, that’s why I’m asking for advice!

It is however very difficult and a mother’s love is fierce… which is how it’s supposed to be. I naturally wants what’s best. It might not neccesserily be what’s easy it popular.

My main concern is what I say to him when he asks where his dad is but he sees grand parents all the time. Any suggestions?

 

What long term questions do you think will arise?

[Louise121]

Thryre over bearing because they keep going round to my mothers house to make arrangements behind my back. I feel very backed into a corner. It’s damaged mine and my mother’s relationship.

Not exactly paternal grandparents- he was adopted so no blood line unfortunately.

Thry seem nice people- just worried about the future.

[Louise121]

Yes, I understand all of that.

 

Youre still not not answering my question! What do I say to my son when every month he goes to his grand parents house to see them but not his dad. What do I tell him?

[Louise121]

My mum has mental health problems. She couldn’t cope with my baby crying and tried her best to have ya there. When his parents started coming round and I started questioning things she asked me to leave.

I have every right to question what is best for my son. I have grown, born and looked after my son on my own. It will be me who is there for him when he repeatedly can’t hnderystsnd why his father wants nothing to do with him. It’s that part that breaks my heart.

[Louise121]

That his father doesn’t want him?!

If his dad messaged me to see him, it would be the answer to all of my problems. He wouldn’t be abandoned by his father then would he

[Louise121]

I actually think that the mother being judged and thought of as selfish s not always accurate. I’m certainly not. I’ve shown up everyday for my LO. You clearly feel very strongly about this but there are others who disagree. I’ve heard one story where the child receives presents from the grand parents, doesn’t see the Dad. She is 5 years old and tells people she meets that her dads dead. Nobody has told her to say that but it’s her way of coping with the confision and constant rejection.

 

[Louise121]

So what’s your story? How old are your children? How comes the dad isn’t involved? Are the grand parents involved?

[Louise121]

Thanks for your reply.

How earth do you work out that he hasn’t abandoned his son?! He turned up to a couple of scans, couldn’t cope and vanished!

so you’ve never had to actually deal with the father or the fathers parents? How do you think you’d feel if they turned up?

 

[Sherinam]

My daughter does not have any grand parents so this is quite sad to read. She gets a birthday  card from the African nanny which says grand daughter . To deprive your kids of blood grand parents is selfish!

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