Absent Father has reduced my Child Maintenance

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  • #60622 Report


    Hello.I am new to this forum.I just wanted some advice.I have been a single parent for the last 14 years since my child was 4 months old.For the 1st year of my child’s life my ex husband had spent very little time with her and stopped seeing her completely when she was a year old for a woman who is now his wife and has been for several years. I was an older mother at the time of my child’s birth and my ex already had a child from a previous relationship who he idolises.He wasn’t there for her 1st christmas or 1st birthday and he would only want to see my child when it suited him for that 1st year of her life.He gave my child some money for her 1st christmas and that is the only gift he gave her.He was away on holiday for her 1st birthday and gave her nothing and shortly after did not turn up on the day he was supposed to spend time with her.She was only 13 months old at the time he has never bothered since.Not a birthday present or a christmas present since(only a birthday card on her 2nd and 3rd birthday which her got his wife to write out).When i divorced him when my daughter was 2 i had a letter to say he did not want to bother with her again but would send gifts which we have never seen.Over the years his wife has been telling people that i stopped him seeing our child which is not true and when they were confronted  by a family member as to why the wife was saying these things and if my child really meant that much to her father they would take it to court he refused to answer and walked away and obviously did not want to tell his wife the truth about this letter.The truth is my ex does not like to spend his money on my child which is why he keeps away.Any loving father would fight for theit children and see that they are financially looked after.When we split up he had a large amount of money tucked away and gained inheritance since then so he was financially comfortable.Since then he has managed to pull the wool over the eyes of the CMS where my payments have been reduced to a pitiful amount which he did not regularly pay to then being employed to which he gave me an increase.Every penny he gave went on my child as well as my own money.I only work part time because i have a demanding job and health issues which means i can’t work full time.I pay my morgage as i bought my house before i met him,my bills,council tax,food,to cloth my child and toiletries,her dance and stage school lesseons,pocket money while he swans off with his freedom and extravagent lifestyle.He has been seen at expensive hotels and restaurants and bars.I don’t have a social life as i devote all my time to my daughter and her hobbies and to get her there.I don’t even drive.I could not even consider going into another relationship.I am too tired physically and mentally and besides my child will always come 1st.This week i had a letter from CMS to say my ex only has to pay £7 a week for my child as he no longer is in employment again.I find this an insult.How can you support a child on that amount of money.I am on a low wage and do recieve tax credits to top up.His wife has a good job but when i asked CMS to investigate into his savings and they said they had.Now don’t get me wrong if there nothing there then there is not a lot i can do about it if it has been spent but i suspect its been hidden as he is not a man who likes to spend all his money and he has always been secretive with his financial advisor.Either way he should have kept some money aside for his child.I applaud any man who goes above and beyond for thier children.As for his wife,i can never understand how she could stay with a man who no longer wishes to see his child.In fact i walked past an expensive bar a few years ago with my child as we went for a walk and they were there both laughing with friends over thier expensive large glasses of wine and  he didn’t even see my child.Obviously his social life is more inportant than his child’s welfare.I just feel so deflated and angry as my child is my life and i could never do that to her.Anybody going through a similar experience or some support or advice would be really helpful.

    #60755 Report


    Hi LEEZH, I hope you make contact with other parents about this soon. Meanwhile, our helpline will be able to advise on your options. Helpline – Gingerbread

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