Absent 'dad' of 4 years is suddenly contacting me. Help!

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    My four year old son’s father has suddenly decided he wants to know about his child.  He has not been involved in his life since my boy was bout 9 months old, he is now almost five, and even then it was when he felt like it and inconsistent.  There has been no financial support from him in all this time and when I went via CMA,  I don’t know what he did but I got a letter to say he would pay nil.   My son’s father tries to dominate me, is very unreasonable and appears unhinged at times.  When I got my flat, four years ago, I never told him as we weren’t together and not in communication as he wasn’t interested.  A few months after we moved he contacted me saying he wanted to see his son and to do right by him.  I agreed and dropped my son off at his for a few hours.  Following this he said next time he would watch the boy at my place.  I refused and said I was happy to drop the boy at his or any other setting but he could not see him at my place.  There were a few text exchanges after this were he was not focused on the boy but rather me.  To cut a long story short, he said if he doesn’t know where the boy lives he cannot be in his life and he hasn’t been.  Every so often when his sister would call to check up on the boy she would relay the same message.  Is it wrong that he  doesn’t where I live- l mean legally?    Surely he only has a right to his child and not my home.  I have made it known he can see his child wherever, just not at my house.  The fact that knowing where the child lives (he knows the area just not my exact address) is more important than knowing the child is warped to me and tells me a whole lot.  It has been peaceful knowing that he can never turn up at my door, spy on me or damage my property.  He has demonstrated erratic behaviour I don’t want in my home or anywhere around me.

    So my question is now he wants contact how do I move forward?  I still don’t want him to know where I live.  What alternative options are there? And how do I even broach the topic with my four year old?

    The father has video called on a number of occasions this last week (after his absence), which I’ve told him to stop as I will not pick up.  Also, he is not using my son’s birth name, which we both agreed on at the registry office; rather, he is using a cultural name his mother gave our son- which is on the birth certificate but my son does not answer to.

    How do I move forward as I don’t want to deprive my son the opportunity to know his father despite what I think about him?.

    #33261 Report

    Hi mumofaking

    Thank you for posting here on the forum.  Its important that you get the right information so you can make informed choices about your situation.  The Child Law Advice Service has a helpline where they will be able to give you up to date information around contact.

    • Child Law advice service https://childlawadvice.org.uk/ – they again provide legal advice on family law issues related to children, so if you are thinking of stopping or have stopped contact they have information on their website about this, and a helpline staffed by legal specialists 0300 330 5480

    Hope that helps and I wish you well, Justine

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