I’ve been with ny partner for almost 7 years (married for nearly 4) and have a 2 year old amazing daughter. I found my husband and best friend kissing eachother on the weekend so I’ve kicked him out and I’m going to get a divorce. My baby is so upset and the upheaveal and he’s being so selfish demanding access and has already sent me a solicitors letter regarding the same. I am heartbroken- can’t believe he would do this to us a week before xmas! I don’t even know where to begin?
Hi Bee1985, a very similar thing happened to me on 26.11.17: I learnt that my wife, and mother of our two gorgeous children, was having an affair with our 6 year old’s football coach. I heard them having sex via a pocket call from my wife’s phone (to me).
My world imploded. I have gone through anger, sadness, relief, shock, and many other emotions.
After admitting to myself and friends that I never forgave her for being unfaithful 3 years ago, her never making an effort to rebuild our relationship, and her gradually allowing her life to disintegrate into an alcohol fuelled mess, I have agreed to divorce her.
From the last 5 weeks, I have learnt:
Don’t bottle things up – talk to people and share the problems.
Trust those closest to you.
Think about what is best for your child.
Look after you: sleep lots, eat healthy and exercise. Don’t drink or do anything else that affects your ability to remain calm and clear headed.
Don’t let solicitors take over negotiations: try to reach amicable agreement.
I cannot comment about the cheating part and no doubt you are in an upset state, especially as it was your best friend, but you do need to allow him access to your daughter as long as he is able to look after her and is capable. Leave the split and access as two separate issues, it is imperative. That part I am well versed in. My ex gf tried every trick in the book to limited my access to the bare bones of my son who was 9 months old. I eventually got main carer of him due to her behaviour and antics.
If you allow decent access and do not show the hurt in front of the ex….it does have many advantages in the months and years to come.