Abortion or not, difficult case..

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  • #28696 Report


    Hiya. So I’ve been in relationship for past year, not long I know but everything was going fast, smooth, we had plans till I started being paranoid over female friends of my ex. He knew them before anything happened between us but he didn’t maintain contact until like three months ago. We were living together, didn’t use protection coz over past 7 years I couldn’t get pregnant with nobody. We decided we r not together anymore but as we both had our needs we would continue to have sex. This was breaking my heart as I felt used somehow and he didn’t care about my feelings. So one day I met up with my friend and did the thing. I know he didn’t finish inside me. 2 days after, I know it was wrong, I’m a broken person, I’m sorry. So 2 days after it’s been crazy me and my ex partner had sex few times, he always finished inside me. And couple hours later Ive seen my “friend”, we were both hungry for each other so we went home and did it couple of times too, but he didn’t finish inside me again.

    Ive recently found out I’m pregnant. I lied to people from clinic about my period so I could have my scan done. It showed multiple pregnancy.

    Now im scared who is the daddy, as over last few months I didn’t get pregnant with my ex… but the second one didn’t finish inside me.

    I always wanted to have babies but I have so many debts, especially now after my ex moved out and I need to pay rent on my own, I’m not sure I will be able to cope with that. And due to CCJ on my account I know I won’t be able to rent any smaller house as I won’t pass references. I have good stable job, but I know because of all of that probably I won’t be able to get any benefits.

    I understand some of you will criticise me over my decisions, but it won’t change nothing, it’s done so please dont try to make my mental health worse. I just need an honest advice on what to do now.

    #28698 Report


    I think the first thing is to stop lying to healthcare professionals. It doesn’t help.

    You need to decide whether you want to continue the pregnancy. Forget about who the dad is for the moment and focus on you. What do you want to do?

    Do you feel able to cope with twins on your own? Is your salary equal to paying your bills plus two lots of childcare? Or would you expect to not work for a while. Are either of the possible fathers working/able to pay child maintenance.

    Can you talk to your family, your mum, and whether they would be able to help? How will they react?

    Give yourself some calm time to think. Once you are clear how you feel, then look up the benefits calculator and work put the money side. Could you do a house share with another single mum?

    You have time to think carefully, there is no immediate rush to decide. Things are easier when you have a better idea of what to expect.

    #28762 Report


    Hi I just wanted to share my positive story with you. I am a single Mum without anyone else in the picture and I’m basically happy. My daughter brings me so much joy. I think if you are unsure then having an abortion will be far worse for your mental health in the long term and it can also reduce changes of future pregnancies. I’ve met quite a few women desperately unhappy at not having kids but I’ve personally not met anyone with kids who regrets the decision having them. Hope you find the support you need. Friends can be a great help. We are so lucky with benefits in the country, really people take that for granted. Also get on the list for counselling if you can, you will be sooner on the list whilst pregnant x

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