Abandoned while pregnant and married

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  • #40101 Report

    Anniec1980
    Participant

    Hi I got married May 2019, the day after my wedding my husband, who is Albanian, started to play up and behave appallingly. We then started to attend counselling and he agreed he’d want a baby or two the following year.

    Fast forward to this year, I discovered I was pregnant end of Jan 2020, when I informed him, my husband told me it wasn’t his, I was to get rid of it, I must be lying and making this up.

    Since then he has left our home. He is drinking and gambling heavily, staying with relatives but behaving badly with them too.

    My husband has been here nearly eight years, just recently got his right to remain, is working cash in hand and not bothered to get his NI number sorted or a legit job.

    He is now talking about going to Greece or Italy to live. He doesn’t give me any money to help with bills, debts or even food. He is always on social media flaunting his fun single life to others. My family and I find it so disrespectful. I’m the only one grieving for this marriage.

    I am at my wits end and various family members and friends have strongly advised not to include him on the birth certificate as I’ll not only have maintenance issues but travel problems. Most of my family live in Ireland, Sweden and Italy. They’re concerned that because he is now behaving so unreliably, that without his written consent, and his name being on the birth certificate and passport, it will only lead to further disappointment and pain.

    Has anyone else been placed in such an uncomfortable position as this?

    Sometimes I feel like my husband can not handle stress and keeps having meltdowns. Other times I feel he is a narcissist. Where is the man I fell in love with and one I saw myself having a family with? I really could cry with the void in my heart.

    #40102 Report

    Graceymay
    Participant

    I’m so sorry Annie for what has happened you it’s awful. I dont have much advice but I just wanted to reply so that you’d know you weren’t alone. I was so madly in love with my ex that I ignored every warning sign every red flag I looked ar him with rose tinted glasses. He wanted this baby I was unsure and now hes nowhere to be seen and it’s likely I’ll be left holding the baby!

    At the end of the day we can only do what’s best for us in the situation we find ourselves in. We cannot change the other person and I know right now it feels like hell but it does get better I promise. My ex walked out on me in Jan and I’ve come a long way since then. Be kind to yourself and keep reminding yourself that it’s ok to have grieve and be sad and devastated and every other emotion but just remember soon your going to be holding a beautiful baby in your arms xx

     

    #40103 Report

    LolaDance13
    Participant

    Hello Annie 😊 

    I wanted to reply and offer my deepest sympathy for the pain you are in. I want to remind you that you are powerless to change another person, their behaviour and their actions especially if that person in an addict. The sooner you can process this the sooner you will be free. Drop the expectations of him and free yourself.  This is time for you to work on you and focus on your own life, goals, dreams and empowerment. The relationship you grieve sound ethos the honeymoon period where we get flooded by love hormones and when that gets replaced by the real person we have hitched our Star too it is incredibly painful because we chase that illusive high of the beginnings of romance and connection.  He is not meeting your emotional needs  I’d go a step further and say this is a toxic situation that isn’t yielding good results for you. You say he can’t handle stress and I would say out the focus back on you instead of trying to figure him out. We try to figure others out so we can stay attached as if we have the power the ‘fix’ the person or situation and we don’t so what can you do to change the person you can ? That person is you.  Sit with that pain and that void let it rise up and accept it, cry a hundred tears if necessary and then put your hand on your heart and tell yourself lovingly you will get through this, process this pain and release it, you sound like you have a great support network. Love comes in many forms not just romantically and you can do this. Let him go and embrace yourself and your child and rise up to choose life on your own loving terms. 🧡

    #40195 Report

    Sylvie
    Participant

    Sorry dear, you are not alone in this. Be strong, love your child, and pray to God for peace of mind

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