A toddler, a newborn and a horrible separation

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    Myself and my husband have been together for 9 years and married for 2 next month.


    On Thursday 28th February he walked out on me and our 20 month old daughter whilst I was 4 days overdue with our second little girl. I said he could still stay on my sofa so he could save a deposit for a room around the corner from us and be on hand for when the baby came. Fast forward to Sunday and I find out he’s been on every dating site available and messaging girls, even on the Thursday when I stayed at my sisters with our daughter and he was in our home. I then kicked him out and he went running away back down to Essex where he is originally from.


    We’ve had constant battles from where he is addicted to weed, has been the middle man in coke deals and spends money without thinking leaving us unable to pay our rent and bills. I have used inheritance that was left from my stepmum passing in April to cover us and have now been left with nothing.


    As if this wasn’t bad enough, on Tuesday the 5th March I gave birth to our beautiful little girl at 5.05am without him there due to how hurtful he had been. Within an hour she had stopped breathing and I had to watch in horror as her lifeless little body was pulled from me and rushed away, it was at this point I called him and he got to the hospital around 9am. We spent the week in intensive care with her and he couldn’t wait to run back off to Essex at every chance he got even though we had been provided a room to stay in so we could be in the hospital at all times and he had been told he needed to stay with me for the first 5 nights due to a bleed straight after delivery and how vulnerable I was, that night he tried to leave at 1:30am and go back to work.


    On the Friday he done a full day at work and made out he was rushing to see our other daughter at his parents house, fast forward to 9pm and I hadn’t heard from him and couldn’t reach him and started to worry when his parents said he left there’s at 7pm, he gets back to the hospital at 9:40 apologising left right and centre and smelt funny, I asked him if he’d been drinking.. that night we pushed the single beds together and he fell asleep holding me.


    I then found out early hours of Sunday morning that all week he had been speaking to a stranger on Tinder, he told her we had been divorced for 3 months and that our baby was 11 days old when she got rushed into hospital having seizures and he’d been with her since 3am, she hadn’t even been born at that time!


    All week he was sending her photos of his penis, telling her how much he wanted to have sex with her and sending her photos of my little poorly baby. I then find out that he only spent 20 minutes with our daughter on the Friday before going off and having sex with this girl while our baby is in intensive care. He also made a joke about how I didn’t smell her perfume on him!


    He was so so kind and loving leading up to our babies due date of the 24th February, he now turns his phone off in the evenings and has told me how much he doesn’t love me. He texts 4-5 times a day asking how the girls are and I’ve had to message him today and ask him to stop and that I will contact him if and when I need too and have arranged for him to have supervised visits with them in public every weekend although I wanted it to be every other. Today was my birthday and he didn’t even get a card sent to my house from them.

    I wish I could hate him for what he’s done to us but there’s still feeling there and I feel so much guilt that my 20 month old isn’t getting the attention she needs, I feel like there isn’t enough of me for her and a newborn and it’s killing me!


    Im desperate to hear coping mechanisms for the separation and raising two babies on my own! Also any tips on the divorce process etc, I’m desperate not to wait the full two years!

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