A new single parent left a domestic volience situation

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  • #58703 Report

    Grazier
    Participant

    I’m now a single parent left a domestic volience relationship now I’ve got the please come home we will sort everything… I’m sorry so I love you please come home

    #58707 Report

    Timefortea
    Participant

    Hello!
    Im sorry to hear your experience. What I can say is that it’s fantastic that you have managed to leave as I’m aware it takes a very long time for people to sometimes realise they are in such a relationship, but then to also find the strength to leave is almost impossible for some men/women.

    With that said I can only imagine the journey it has taken for you to get to this point and the abuse you suffered, so I would urge you to reflect on that should even an ounce of you consider going back.

    Many abusers make promises of how they will change etc and sadly many people return because that’s such a psychological aspect to the abuse. Love shouldn’t include any form of abuse, I’m sure you are well aware and once he/she thinks you are accepting of it and will continue to forgive they will more than likely proceed with this behaviour.

    I can only assume you are aware of domestic abuse support charities, unfortunately I’m not (maybe some of the other parents will) but it’s worth a google if you don’t to get support from them.

    I have no direct experience of domestic abuse myself so I apologise if my advice is misplaced to anyone but with saying that I have seen a family relative experience domestic abuse as a child and it’s really unpleasant to see as you can imagine, to add to that as a child your learning etc and you don’t know what’s “normal” behaviour.

    #58710 Report

    JBLA
    Participant

    Hi Grazier,

    Sorry about the situation he has made, don’t worry, you are really not alone. -any break-up is tough & an adjustment in the first few months, but parenting & life in general is so much better without them or the weight of their crap!

    Reads like maybe this isn’t the first time you’ve been through his pattern of abuse & it’s hit the grovelling/ grand promises stage, again?

    Were you able to get any professional support around leaving him?

    – been there myself & went on to work across dv for many years!

    From experience the best way to head off the abusers tactics, especially when they are trying to manipulate us back into their patterns; is to get support with people who really understand these things.

    For all the well meaning, people who haven’t lived or educated themselves in anyway often perpetuate harmful myths without realising & that at times can be a weight or make it more difficult to completely leave in itself!

    Great place for support can be survivor forums

    – women’s aid has a great survivor forum, will pm you the link, they also have a great live chat function on their website for direct advice!

    Their survivor handbook is a great self help guide too.

    Also highly recommend Pat Craven’s online freedom programme –

    Really helps identify all the behaviours & how to overcome these / not get sucked back in!

    https://www.freedomprogramme.co.uk/

    Hold in mind… These begging ‘sorry’s’/ pressures to forgive & ‘come back’ …. Are not…

    ‘i respect & understand your decision/ need for space.. after my behaviour, I realise this was unacceptable & will go away & work on this with professionals to be a non-harmful person’

    It’s just more manipulation to get you to do what he wants.

    Stay strong 🙂

    Hope this helps!

     

     

     

    • This reply was modified 2 weeks, 5 days ago by JBLA. Reason: Typo
Viewing 3 posts - 1 through 3 (of 3 total)

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