I’m eight months pregnant and self isolating with my parents away from London where I live. The father has not been in touch since January. I’ve no idea where he is and it looks increasingly unlikely he’ll make contact before the birth. I’m lucky to have close friends and family but I’m missing them and his silence makes the whole thing worse. Any tips for how I can cope? x
I split up with my now ex partner when I was 5 months pregnant. He went awol for the next 3 months and didn’t reply to my texts messages or calls. I wanted to know if he wanted any involvement with the baby or not, the pregnancy was planned and we were both excited about it so I was really confused when he ‘disappeared’ and then I got a text from him saying not to contact him about the baby or anything. I was really shocked, hurt, sad, angry – the whole range of emotions!
I then accepted that I was going to do this alone and not only that I was going to make it as positive and happy time as I could! How dare he put this dark and black cloud over something that is suppose to be such a happy event! I had the support of my Mum, friends and family. I knew I would need to lean on them but I knew I could and that it would be alright. We didn’t need him or his unacceptable attitude for our baby.
So I picked myself up and was determined to make the rest of my pregnancy happier. It was hard but I kept pushing on and pushing any sad and negative feelings away the best I could.
Then about a month before I gave birth, he made contact, he apologised and wanted to be involved and be at the birth. We met up and talked and I have to say he was brilliant and super supportive after that. He said he needed time away to get his head around our split and that we wouldn’t be a full time family.
We never got back together but he is very much all for our little girl who is 15 months and it all worked out okay.
I would arrange a alternative birthing partner and trust that all will work out okay.
You’re a prophet. The day after you sent that message the father got in touch apologising for disappearing and wanting to be involved. I’m not rushing to embrace him with open arms and he won’t be at the birth (not least because of lockdown) but least I now have his new address.
Thanks for your reassurance and I’m glad things are working out for you all