A big mess

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  • #51763 Report

    Bright Diamond 4345

    Hello people out there
    50/50 of children past domestic abuse, ex a typical narcissist. Children not liking going so much and making comments about it but go. Eldest spoke to Dad about wanting to be with Mum more. Dad said it isn’t happening, forget, Ages 12 and 10. Lots of things going on there behind closed doors the children tell me everything which is good they open up. Past bad experiences of court due him knowing people who can help him get what he wants being in a special society that look out for each other which is wrong.  Any ideas of thoughts of your experiences how I can change it for the children.

    #51766 Report


    There seems a lot of resentment towards your ex partner. Children are no doubt picking up on this as well . They may enjoy spending time at their dads , but its unlikely they will tell you that anyway.

    With them being 12 and 10 if one of them or both of them really no longer, wished to go for whatever reason ,then in a few years they would be able to have a big say in what happens. Also with particularly the oldest one becoming a teenager it is often the case less time is spent with non resident parent and even resident parent

    #51799 Report


    I didn’t read the resentment,just appeared to me to be the facts of life,and actually very similar to many single mum’s stories.

    If kids are still going without too much fuss,make the most of the peace and quiet you get,while it lasts.They’re at an age where if they don’t wna go they are able to vote with their feet you know.

    I know  a bit about these ‘special societies’ who support one half of a marriage against the other….it’s fun for them for a bit but they lose patience after some time….and eventually run out of funds to support their ‘habit’.Give it time.💝 good luck and lots of patience🙄

    #51805 Report



    Narcissists need to be fed. I dealt with one for some years (Mother in Law) but withdrew her food. She hated it but has now clearly got used to the fact that we wont be coerced anymore.  Im not suggesting this would be right for your own particular circumstances but it worked for me. You talk about a special society and your right, that is needed by a narcissist. They will all have one. They find it too hard without one. They will rely on that special society to make you feel guilty like its all your own fault. Dont fall for it. Rule the special society out right now. Shut them down. That special society would have been drip fed only what he wants them to hear. Only what he wants them to feel. Only how he wants them to behave towards you. Narcissists are extremely manipulative. If you have that opportunity, then finish them . I do realise that is easier said than done because they may be close to you.  That going to be really tough to do.

    #51806 Report

    Bright Diamond 4345

    No resentment from me and I give the children a normal life which is what they need when they are with me some stability and normality. He is moving house soon and hasn’t even told me and I will be expected to commute an extra 20 mins one way. Has anyone had experience of this and the possibility he may try and change schools or sports clubs?. I am presuming if he chooses to move he can’t win that one.

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