7 months pregnant

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  • #64426 Report

    Lucy1694
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    I am 29 weeks pregnant and I have recently found out my partner has been cheating on me since I was 10 weeks pregnant. We had been together for 7 years and planned the pregnancy and then from the day I found out I was pregnant he was like a different man. His affection towards me changed and our relationship just did I complete 180. I have had suspicions for a while and found the proof just before Christmas. I do not own the family home, my ex partner does so I have moved out and moved in with my parents, I own my own home but it is currently being rented out. I am worried about being on SMP and not being able to afford mortgage and bills and I think my ex partner will be reluctant to give me what I am entitled to as he is a high earner. He has also mentioned that he is expecting to have our son 50/50 from birth but I was planning on breastfeeding and this will be impossible should he get 50/50. I am trying to do as much as I can amicably without going through child maintenance or through court but I am so terrified of doing all this on my own as my plan was to do this as a family and together and I don’t feel I am financial stable enough to cope. I have to completely furnish the house I will be moving into once the tenant has vacated but I have left all furniture at the family home as I have a step daughter and would feel I was taking things away from her. My life just feels like a complete disaster and it’s far too much stress when 29 weeks pregnant.

    #64468 Report

    SunSeaSwim
    Participant

    Hi there,

    Firstly, I’m so sorry to hear of your situation. It sounds very upsetting and stressful. I’m also sorry that I can’t offer any help but I wanted to reply. I imagine that it would help to have some mediation to help work through the issues with a professional  it’s probably also worth looking into benefits to see if you might get some financial help.

    I hope that your family are helping you through this difficult time. I know it’s really tricky but try to focus on your beautiful baby.

    I’m sure someone more knowledgeable will come along soon to help you.

    Best wishes x

    #64475 Report

    Newmum84
    Participant

    Hi Lucy (I’m also a Lucy!) I presume you are UK based?
    I was going to add my own story onto this forum, then I read through your situation which I can relate to and I would like to help/advise best I can. I am so sorry to hear you are going through this. My partner started a new relationship with someone else behind my back when I was 5 months pregnant. Then he decided he wanted us to try again when I found out – the usual. It is gut renching to discover such a thing. It takes the focus away from your baby and leaves you feeling completely alone. I have known my baby’s father for years but got into a casual thing last October (I discovered I was pregnant in January 2021). More on that later!

    You will get little help whilst currently living with your parents, however I believe you can get help as a single parent to pay off the interest on your mortgage. I found the following online:

    If you apply and receive Income Support, Employment and Support Allowance or Jobseeker’s Allowance an amount can be added to your benefits to help pay the interest (but not the capital). This can include help towards ground rent, some service charges and interest on loans for essential home improvements. You must have been claiming one of these benefits for at least 13 weeks before you can start to receive help with your mortgage interest. When you make your claim for these benefits tell Jobcentre Plus that you also want to claim help with your mortgage interest. They will send you a form to fill in and take to your mortgage lender, who will complete it and send it back to Jobcentre Plus.

    I hope the above helps! I also recommend going onto the Gov.UK site where you can work out what you are entitled to as a single parent with a mortgage.

    Regarding the babies father, are you planning to include him on the birth certificate? If so he will be legally responsible for your baby and you will be well within your rights to claim CM should It come to that. You mentioned though that you would prefer to not go through the courts – but you also mentioned babies father would be reluctant to give you what you want as he is a high earner – to which I then think perhaps include him on the birth certificate and then you have the option to apply for CM should you wish to.  I totally understand you want things to be amicable etc. And things could get difficult once court is involved. But you didn’t get into this situation on your own, babies father helped! So he might be reluctant to pay fairly, but once he’s on the birth certificate you have every right to let the courts decide a fair amount he should pay, and it sounds to me like it will end up being more than what he wants to pay. It’s financial support for your baby and he should pay fairly. It’s something to think about before baby arrives. I understand you must be all over the place right now. I really am so sorry 🙁 I’m not too sure about the babies father wanting to be with baby 50/50 from birth but again that could partly be down to him being on the birth certificate? Sorry I’m not too sure on that part!
    Regarding my situation-currently my baby is 5 months old and I’ve decided to apply for CM as babies father has given me mixed signals, shown little interest in us and has shown his true colours this Christmas to put it bluntly. I do not trust him and there have been too many red flags so I’ve chosen to let the courts decide and he said that if I decide to go through the courts that he would not speak to me again!? So be it. His loss-however it’s the best decision in the long run although I’m devastated by the whole situation and the fact I feel that going down the legal route is the best and final option at this point.

    So I know how you feel Lucy. I bet you feel like you are living in some sort of weird dream all the time! It’s so horrible but things WILL work out I promise because once baby has arrived, that’s all that will matter. And you’ll have a clearer picture of how to deal with babies father, what your rights are and how you want to move forward with baby. The fog will clear eventually.
    Please talk to your friends and family – I hope they are being supportive as it sounds as though they are which is great.  They will be your rock throughout this. Seek help else where if you feel you might need to. There is lots of help out there. I wish you and your gorgeous baby the best of luck. XXX

    #64539 Report

    *deleted user*
    Participant

    Just a few things to add

    Re the breastfeeding angle La Leche League used to have a twenty four seven support line which you can google to support in maintaining breastfeeding and different circumstances. It is not realistic of the father to insist on 50 whilst you are breastfeeding, that is not how it works!

    Citizens Advice on the phone to get a benefits check?

    There is also the calculator Turntous where you might be able to get a one off grant. have bank statements ready.

    Finally, your midwife? They are usually very practical though terribly stretched as a service, but do share with them and they may be able to guide toward further help.

    Best of luck

    #64556 Report

    Hi Lucy, this sounds like something our helpline can advise you about, we have experts who can talk you through financial help available to you. Here’s a link to the number and opening hours.   Helpline

    We also have a live webchat on Mondays, Tuesday and Wednesdays 10am to 1pm.

    Take care,

    Sophie

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