6 weeks pregnant and he has abandoned me and my child…. what am i facing?

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  • #17692 Report

    Anonymous
    Inactive

    Hi everyone i really need advice

    I am 35 years old and 6 wks today found out 2 week ago. I am not and have never been i  a relationship with the dad, however we have been sexual companions and friends for 5-6 years now. he lives very local to me and some one i will pass regually in my life.

     

    I told him i was pregant and his reaction was abortion is best he already has 3 kids ( which I only knew of 2) he went on to say he dont have contact with 2 of them and he dosent want it either. he feel nothing for those 2 kids. he only care about 1 and if choose to have this baby it will be the same for my baby.  he will want nothing to do with me or the baby.  I won’t go in to how shocked and hurt i am that this is coming from somebody i have known and saw a a friend and somebody I trusted and did potentially see us getting our act together and trying to have a real relationship one day.

     

    I have had 2 abortions previously both of which i wish i could have kept. But now I find myself in the same situation feeling like how do I keep ending up here.

     

    I do want a baby the thought of it has always made my heart smile and I know I will make a fantastic mother alone or not. But its just never the life I wanted for me or my child. But i know to be a mother is something i must do in my life and I am now 35 so will I have more chances??? i really dont know what to do.  I work for the nhs so i know i can fit a baby into my life as nhs is very supportive of parents. I have my mum and dad brother and sister and friend that will  all support me. But i come.from a good family where everyone has a partner and when they do have kids it won’t be as a abandoned single 35 year old mum 🙁

    i do have to say I feel embarssed and ashamed that i will have a non existent father that i can not really avoid his existance because he is local to me. I feel embarrassed to even admit I was sleeping with him.  If he lived in another area this would defo make it easier to ignore that he rejected not only me (that i could handle) But my beautiful innocent child. I dont really know what im looking from from this post. But i guess i just need to talk it out.

    1. I would like to know what challenges i might be facing and how it will affect my child. Have any of you felt embarrassed and ashamed and if so has that shame gone or is it still there?

    I have a consultation booked for this Monday (48hours from now) then will be booked in for an abortion.  I really dont no weather to go through with it or not.

    thank you 🙂

    #17696 Report

    Sherinam
    Participant

    Abs please do not be too hard on yourself. We are all humane and you have not committed a sin!

    It is a struggle bringing up children on your own especially if there is no father or mother around and it’s even worsewhen there are no grand parents to lend a helping hand either.

    I have a little girl and it took me 25 years to conceive.  I had a what i thought a good marriage, lots of  holidays no money problems but I had lots of miscarriages.  I felt there was something missing but I didn’t know what it was. My arms ached to hold my own child. So fast tracking my husband didn’t want because he had loads of affairs and my ex didn’t want because he had 3 children who drained him financially.

    So it was my choice to do this on my own. I work part time and I love taking care of my girl . Love Cooking, taking vare of her, washing and getting her school clothes ready.Today we had an amazing day in the park that didn’t cost anything  apart from our packed lunch. I have no parents to spill my daughter so I do my best like everyone else

    I would not think too much ofwhat people think. You decide what is best but if you choose to have an abortion there is no going back . You may be ok or you may regret turn decision.  Take care

    #17698 Report

    Anonymous
    Inactive

    Hi Sheila… yhank

    #17699 Report

    Anonymous
    Inactive

    .

    #17702 Report

    Anonymous
    Inactive

     

    Hi Sherima.  Thank you very much for you response and support. It is much appreciated. I’m glad you got your happy ending with youblil girl.

    Can I ask how old you and your lil girl are.?

    I do have parents that will live this child as it will be the 1st grandchild. I just can’t snack this feeling of shame, fear and loneliness (even though i wasnt with the dad)  i know it wont be easy but i am not scared of the financial difficulties.  And the practical stuff evwn though I know it will be tough,I know i can do it.  I just i can’t belive I have been abandoned. I’m not a lil girl and i should have better judgement. I should not have allowed myself to end up like this…. 🙁

    I hate how i feel, I feel so sad and should be happy. I barely eat for depression. I cry every single day. I just dont no what to do.

    #17707 Report

    Dolly85
    Participant
    1. You are only human,you chose the life you live!  You do not need to explain your self to anyone,  You chose your path!

    I made a terrible judgment of character with my child’s dad , my only happiness is my child , she is a gift !

    #17708 Report

    Anonymous
    Inactive

    Hi Dolly thank you for your support. Yes i guess i am only human.. I’m just so scared. I’m watching vids right now on YouTube about single mum and there story. And it is helping clear my head a little. Thinking im gonna look up some motivational talks to listen to and stuff like that.  Try to. Change my mind set.

     

    Thank you again

    #17713 Report

    Sherryrose
    Participant

    Hi there

     

    I think all the advise given about keeping the child is the best ever honestly!!  The father of my child didn’t want to know either and I felt very embarrassed and ashamed. I was highly respected among my peers aswell.  It took months before I realised the whole rejection thing, as I couldn’t believe someone could be so cold when they appearred so loving. however I’m so glad I had my beautiful daughter, she has brought so much to my life – joy , patience,appreciation for the simple things, closer to family ties and loads of new friends and new ambitions and dreams. I was at the upper end of the thirties so there was no way I was going to not ha e the chance to be a mum.  It’s four years on and I haven’t met anyone to have a relationship with, as more cautious but I’ve had no time either as enjoying mummy and daughter time so much and you will too if you give it a chance.

    Hope this helps you ?.

     

    #17714 Report

    Anonymous
    Inactive

    Thank you very much Anonymous. It is very usefully having these opinions and advise.

    I already have decided i want nothing to do with the lowlife that has rejected. Dispite his promise to support me through the abortion. And after then plan a relationship.  I’m like really does he actually belive that i would allow him anywhere near me after realising what a lowlife piece if scum he is. I’ve seen the real him now and it’s not anybody i want in my life.

    2 you are right it likely how ever i have a child in the future it is unlikely i will have the dream i have been waiting for. It just worry me havi g no father what so ever. I would be happy if he was willing to raise the child as his. But hey i have to accept i can’t force him.

     

    3. Yes the emotional impact is not something i am talk g lightly i had 1 this time last year. And it was very very hard.

     

    4. My family will love.my.baby I know that i just think i will feel like the only failure i  the family. But i guess i will just have to deal with that.

     

    5. It worries me what people will think. And i am considering moving a little bit out of the area i live. As i have grown up here My whole like. I want to be somewhere nobody knows me. If that make sense i think it will help a lot.

     

    I dont doubt being a mum will make me the happiest i have ever been. I have always wanted to be a mum. And at times really been down that i hadn’t become a mum yet.

     

    I think i just need to find the courage to comit to it and just focus on that

     

    Again thank you i do appreciate you advice. It really helps to hear other people’s experiences that have been through what i am facing.

     

    #17715 Report

    Anonymous
    Inactive

    Good moring Sherry and thank you for your advice.

    It is helpfull to hear others stories and experiences that have been in my situation.

     

    I just dont understand likenyoubsay how he can be so cold. I honestly do not want  a relationship with him not after this.i just wanted a father for my baby surely thata not too much to ask. But hey it is his choice i can’t force him.

     

    I guess I just have to be enough for the baby… And not that I’m want a replacement father for the child.  But u see so many decent men that do take on a single mum child like there own. My dad being one and myncousin being another and they are amazing dads and husbands.

     

    I guess i just have to put him as 1 big mistake in my life. But take the best part of it and turn it to something good. Because I do want to be a mum badly and this could me 1 of. My last chances…

     

    Thanks you again

     

     

    #17717 Report

    Sherryrose
    Participant

    My dear if you need to move then do that , make your life easier where you can.

    Also, the financial side is a bit hard with all the childcare fees , but there is support from the government and part time work at the NHS.  It does get easier I promise.

    On the emotional side, for me I have a great faith in Christ so that has really been paramount and some supportive friends and my mum.   So you need to build up the support network like on this forum, local centres etc.

    If you are in London then I don’t mind meeting up if you needed a chat 😊 as time goes on.

     

     

    #17721 Report

    Anonymous
    Inactive

    Thank you so much you advice has really helped.

     

    I am trying to take all that on and feel better in myself and situation.

     

    I may take you up on your offer as i am in London too.

     

    Thank you and have a great day

    #17722 Report

    Dolly85
    Participant

    Morning, I didn’t know how my message would come across to you! I was a bit worried it would sound negative!! It was positive!!

    Your view on your life is purely an effective way to think but it’s making you sad!! There is no one judging you , you are judging your situation before it has happened!  Overthinking!!!!!

    You need happiness and to do something for your self, if you have family behind you , think about gathering your thoughts and  writing life goals , you may find a baby is a goal!!!  , at 35 you are not old, your living your life the way you know ! Watching videos may hinder you but remember everyone’s circumstances are different!

     

    Having a child is my hardest , but most rewarding pArt of my life.  I’m sure there are other women who have children that won’t admit it’s draining, I mean it is an absolutely amazing role to play in a child’s life ,making memories but I struggle  with the whole single parent doing everything but that’s what I signed up to!! This has made me a fighter and I have become very  💪🏻 strong!!!

    Long message x

    #17723 Report

    TrevCarp
    Participant

    Dear Abs, first of as a father of a 4 yr old Boy and I being 47, you defiantly have age on your side. I really think you need to let  go of the negative of the father, he has a choice too, I will not go into the inequality if a man says he like to have an abortion he is a scum bag, yet if a women say so it ok. as you both taken risk, however you have the final choice. and you know the consequences on what ever you choose.  No one can tell you what to do, you are the only one that will know.

    If you choose to go ahead life is not going to be easy, but all the bad times and there will be a lot, the good times seeing your little grow out weigh everything. If we all weighted for the perfect situation to be a parent, there be hardly any children in the world.

    You actually sound like you are actually in a good place, working for the NHS as they are good for parents, and have your family around.

    Your child is going to have a mother that loves them and will feel what a wonderful gift they are, they are not going to be in a septic family that has arguments and are always unhappy.

    Ok you are embarrassed.  Hind sight is a wonderful thing, but I am going to be harsh, get over it,I know its far easy saying and doing, but it will subside,  if life gives you lemons make lemonade.

    After that, I send you a hug.

    I hope you will see the love in this post. you will make the right decision for you.

     

     

    #17738 Report

    Sherinam
    Participant

    Hi I wouldn’t worry about what people think

    in all cultures everyone will look and criticise.  People are happy if you have a crap life and can’t pay your bills and people should look at themselves before they judge !!

    Start eating and taking folic . The little one needs plenty of nourishing.  Forget the bloke and live your life

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