50/50 Mother doesn’t want to share

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  • #48110 Report

    chrisog
    Participant

    We just ended our very short 2 year marriage. Moving to the North took it’s toll and after many counseling sessions and getting nowhere we have found ourselves at a cross roads where we just don’t meet in the middle anymore. Our expectations and values are too distant to re-kindle again. So we decided to separate. We have a 2 year old daughter who I love and adore so much I couldn’t think about being away form her even a couple of days and I feel lost without her.

    We have managed to work out and agreed on most things but the mother decided to move out early of our house and leave me with the rental of the property. She couldn’t hold out until the tenancy had ended. This was a big shock but I guess I empathised that she just wanted to move on adn felt she couldn’t without being out of the house and away from me.

    Long story short we are now at a sticking point on child maintenance and I would like to take care of my daughter 50% of the time because I love being around her and I want to be in her life. However the mother has been reluctant and is trying to take control of my daughters life where I am only good for money and convenience so the mother can have a break every other week. This just didn’t seem fair to me that she would take control on where our daughter schools and how she celebrates birthdays etc. I feel like I’m being treated like a typical male but I do care about my daughter and I have said that I want to look after her and it’s not for the money because on top of that I have said I would give some financial support to the mother to look after my daughter but my worry is she is just going to use that on her expensive 2 bed flat that she has decided to rent which is not convenient for our daughter.

    Don’t get me wrong I would totally understand if the mother didn’t work for example but she has a high paying job so our daughter goes to nursery 5 days a week and I would be paying half of that as is fair because I’m essentially paying for the time I have her but need to work.

     

    Sorry I’m rambling but my question is, what is fair in a 50/50 agreement when it comes to child maintenance am I being too generous offering £200 a month in child maintenance 50% of nursery costs and looking after my daughter 50% of the time including buying all her clothes again as the mother took them when she left. Providing activities for her to do whilst she is with me over the weekend and food etc. I just want to ask this forum to get some perspectives as to what am I entitled too give and then from there I can make a judgement call on whether she is just manipulating my good will and generosity to favor herself.

    I’d be interested in any perspectives on this. Thanks in advance

     

     

    #48111 Report

    steve3334
    Participant

    Hi,

    if you are to be paying maintenance through child maintenance service, then you would not be expected to pay any maintenance to the other parent if you have a 50/50 arrangement with equal day-to-day care of child (court order required in most cases). I think the amounts you suggested are reasonable, if you were to have private arrangements.

    #48116 Report

    Gummibear123
    Blocked

    You sound like a nice daddy to your little girl.If you worry that her mother’s going to spend the money on her expensive flat etc you could, mbe to a point,purchase the stuff for her instead of giving the money.That way you will be assured she will have what she needs.What ur offering sounds generous,but obv as no one here knows all the ins and outs it’s hard to judge.Like is s1 getting benefits/child tax credit etc.Last of all,just curious why you call her ‘the mother’? Surely uve spent 2-3 years with this lady & seen fit to have a child with her….at least ‘her mother”  wld sound a little…..more human.Unless your translating from dif lingo.Hope things get easier.

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