5 year old does not want to go to dads for more than one night

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  • #42251 Report

    SJC
    Participant

    Hi,

    I’m new here but wondered if anyone else has had the same situation.

    Been separated for 2 years and 4 months and I have always encouraged my children’s relationship with their father. They go one night a week , every week and an extra night in the holidays but not 2 consecutive nights because my 5 year old gets really anxious. They couldn’t see their dad for 15 weeks due to health reasons and during the pandemic dad has moved in with his girlfriend. Children starting going again 3 weeks ago 5 year old is really unsettled and doesn’t want to go ( he don’t want to go pre pandemic either ) for more than one night. He has started biting his nails again, is very emotional and clingy.

    there have been issues in the past with safe guarding issues with dad but we seem to be starting to iron these out through solicitors and gp but now dad is really pushing for 3 and 4 nights in the holidays and my 5 year old is refusing and is hysterical if I even try to suggest 2 nights. I feel torn, I feel it should be built up slowly for more contact for the boys to feel safe and secure but dad is threatening court action. I’m just trying to do right by my boys , I’m in no way stopping contact with their dad but he isn’t listening to what the boys are saying. Any advice?

    thanks

    #42653 Report

    A76
    Participant

    Hello I’ve just read your post and there are similar themes to what I’m going through. I’ve been separated 6 years, my children are 10 and 7. Kids used to go alternate weekends to dads but during lockdown they’ve stayed with me as I’m vulnerable. Dad now wants more contact and a return to pre lockdown arrangement but the kids don’t want to. My eldest has suffered emotional abuse for years by him and now refuses To see or speak to him at all. My youngest Will have to go on a walk with his dad this weekend, on his own. I’m really worried because I know he will refuse to go without his big sister!
    like you, I’ve always encouraged a good relationship between the kids and their father, but he is single handedly ruining it. He also moved in with his girlfriend during the lockdown and her kids, so it’ll be all change for my kids if and when they go to his house again. My youngest suffers with bowel problems and a nervous eye twitch/head turn, which comes on when he’s due to see his father. As a mother I feel like the worst mother by sending my kids to a person whom they don’t feel happy to be around. We are now going to mediation so my eldest can air her concerns finally but whatever happens with her, I’ll still be forced to send my little boy.  I have regrets in the past, I have failed to make a stand and my advice would be to stand up to the bully, insist on gradually increased contact and seek help for yourself… counselling for example, it’s helped me recently. Perhaps casually get your child to write down how they feel, perhaps keep a diary?  And speak to the school and get them involved, tell them everything, they may have a pastoral teacher who can offer support. Xx

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