Hello I’ve just read your post and there are similar themes to what I’m going through. I’ve been separated 6 years, my children are 10 and 7. Kids used to go alternate weekends to dads but during lockdown they’ve stayed with me as I’m vulnerable. Dad now wants more contact and a return to pre lockdown arrangement but the kids don’t want to. My eldest has suffered emotional abuse for years by him and now refuses To see or speak to him at all. My youngest Will have to go on a walk with his dad this weekend, on his own. I’m really worried because I know he will refuse to go without his big sister!
like you, I’ve always encouraged a good relationship between the kids and their father, but he is single handedly ruining it. He also moved in with his girlfriend during the lockdown and her kids, so it’ll be all change for my kids if and when they go to his house again. My youngest suffers with bowel problems and a nervous eye twitch/head turn, which comes on when he’s due to see his father. As a mother I feel like the worst mother by sending my kids to a person whom they don’t feel happy to be around. We are now going to mediation so my eldest can air her concerns finally but whatever happens with her, I’ll still be forced to send my little boy. I have regrets in the past, I have failed to make a stand and my advice would be to stand up to the bully, insist on gradually increased contact and seek help for yourself… counselling for example, it’s helped me recently. Perhaps casually get your child to write down how they feel, perhaps keep a diary? And speak to the school and get them involved, tell them everything, they may have a pastoral teacher who can offer support. Xx
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