5 week baby – visiting advice please

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  • #56123 Report

    Fifibean
    Participant

    Hi all, looking for some advice in regards to visitations of a 5 week old baby. Unfortunately in my pregnancy I had to leave the Father and move roughly 70 miles away to live with family. I tried to make things work and had my ex at the birth and was committed to being a family, I agreed to a week on rotation with my ex and a week back with my family to try and see if we could make things work but unfortunately my ex was too hostile towards me so I have stopped this. He now wants to take the baby at the weekends and have him overnight (Friday to sunday) and expects me to express enough milk for this. He is also refusing to return our baby back to me saying I should arrange pick up but I do not drive.

    I have spoken to my health visitor who has told me that I can refuse his demands to have our baby overnight whilst I am breastfeeding as it isn’t in baby’s best interest to be away from me and to suggest he has day visits instead. As I was hoping to be a family I’m finding everything very raw and upsetting, I do not wish to block access to my ex but I do not feel comfortable with his demands. He told me that he would arrive at my house to take the baby once I returned from visiting family (which is today) so I am anxious that he will try and take baby and we will have a confrontation when I say no.

    It’s been very difficult to deal with my life falling apart whilst managing parenthood for the first time by myself. I am loving being a Mother and truly have my baby’s best interest at heart. I just don’t want to be bullied into a situation but also don’t want to deprive my ex of these precious moments. Does anyone have a similar experience of how to manage co-parenting with such a young baby? Does anyone also have advice on what I can and can’t say no to?  I have promised myself to not go back to his house again as things escalated last time I was there and he grabbed the baby from my arms and pulled my arm several times whilst I tried to walk away. It’s not safe for us to be together anymore and I won’t put my child in that situation ever again.

    Many thanks to anyone who takes the time to read and reply.

    #56139 Report

    Gumibear123
    Blocked

    Hi,congratulations on your new baby!

    It must be very difficult being a first time mother alone,but having this extra stress is something you Really don t need.From what you’ve been posting if it was me in that situation I would say he can only see the baby in a room in a place I deem safe With someone I trust.You are very generous  to not  want to deprive him of those ‘precious moment’s but you have to create boundaries now and if he doesn’t behave safe or respectful around you or the Baby he will have to lose the privilege.

    When your baby is so new it’s normal to feel fragile and hormonal and miserable sometimes.You’ve done all the work to have this baby-and you’re doing it all alone and while your life’s fallen apart!!! Have some compassion f or yourself &keep that in mind and don’t feel like He’s in charge.He isnt.💝

    #56161 Report

    steve3334
    Participant

    his demands are unreasonable. overnights should start much later, perhaps when child is nearing age 2 or later, and no longer breastfeeding. he could see child at your place. but if he is hostile and causes trouble, then maybe he can see child in a contact centre.

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