5 months pregnant and ex has left me :(
10 August 2019 at 11:42 pm #29081
I could have written this post only a few months ago and it feels like forever …my partner left me when I was 5 months pregnant for someone else and I haven’t seen him since. I remained as calm as I could through the whole situation with genuine concerns it may bring on labour or that the stress would impact the baby (she came at 39 +3 and was 8.14). I wasn’t singing to the baby or having those ‘special moments’ you read about having but when the evenings were in full swing and the kicks were happening I’d give her a little hug and tell her we would be ok but there were times that I resented being pregnant and that I was doing it on my own. My friend and family were and are amazing but at 3 am it is you and baby.
I googled all sorts to try and find that I wasn’t the only person to feel like this and there wasn’t much help so know you are not the only one, unfortunately, it has happened to others and it will happen to more but once the baby arrives you will find some magical strength to persevere every day. My little one is now 10 weeks there are good days and bad days and that would be the same with or without my husband. I’d love to share certain moments with him but he has chosen to cut us out of his life and hasn’t yet made an attempt to see his daughter. You won’t know if you are doing it ‘right’ and you have to trust your gut and not consult the other parent but ‘you’ve got this’. It will still hurt and a break up without a pregnancy take time to get over, a break up whilst using all your energy to grow a human is exhausting and will still take time to get over. Focus on you and look after yourself, baths, films, relax, cry, spend the day in bed.
I’m not there yet but I will be and I’m thankful that my little human exists and you will eventually move on x11 August 2019 at 11:01 am #29085
Thank you for sharing this. I an sorry you are going through this.
I have a very long way to go.
I dont feel I can do it. I hate him for what hes done to me. He lives in Australia so wont be any sort of dad from there anyway. I am disgusted that someone who has loved me all these years can suddenly turn into this person.
Im doing my best but its not good enough.
X17 August 2019 at 10:10 pm #29308
Hi Hannah and Colster
this happened to me 9 months ago. I had a 2 year old and was 16 weeks pregnant when my husband and partner of 13 years left me for his affair partner, a colleague out of the blue.
I will not lie it has been the hardest 9 months of my life, living an hour away from my family but with amazing support from friends and work colleagues.
I spent so long concentrating on getting baby here safely that when he was born i felt like i hadnt grieved the loss of the relationship with my husband or his family.
I went to the solicitors when my son was less than a week old and started the divorce then with the support of midwives and HV was referred for counselling.
It has been immensely beneficial to me and would recommend it.
our house is being put on the market this week and i am moving with the children back to my home town to benefit from family support. The relationship with my stbx and his family are at an all time low. Even today i have had two awful txts from my sister in law because she thinks ive blocked her from facebook (i have left it) but it is like his family have to justify to themselves that i am the bad guy and he the victim.
BUT I didn’t let it upset me and i didnt respond. It is a long game and trying to be the better person will hopefully pay dividends in the future.
i was so worried i wouldnt bond with my baby or get PND but he is amazing and i will always have the best memories of his first few months. No one can take that away from you and no one can give that to your ex – his loss!
keep going and if you want to message me please do. 9 months ago i could never find anyone who was further down the line looking back.
I have a long way to go still and i am sure it might even get worse before it gets better but we will all get there and have beautiful babies to boot!18 August 2019 at 8:04 pm #29353
I’m sorry to hear your story. It’s just rubbish. Although I’m glad you’ve been brave enough to tell it as it’s made me realise that there are people out there in a similar situation to myself. I just want to reassure you that You’re not on your own in the slightest.
i was with my ex for 7 years and he left me at 3 months pregnant. At that point we didn’t know I was pregnant. It took until I was 6 months before I found out. By this point he’d already got a new girlfriend and was moving to Canada some days later. He’s now living out in Toronto and will not be there for his daughter’s early years. Any communication I try to have with him regarding his child, he reads then chooses to ignore.
like you I am bitter, for my unborn daughters sake more than anyone’s that her dad can be so pigheaded and irresponsible.
You’re right though, Going through a breakup during pregnancy is physical pain. You can’t move on and get over someone when you’re pregnant with their unborn child. I still love him and I miss him, I lost my best friend the day he walked out. Also. Don’t get me started on hormones….
However, it’s easy for them as they can just cut all ties and forget you ever existed.
Out of interest, has your baby’s dad shown an interest in your wellbeing or your babysince you moved back to the uk?
My advice would be to use your network of friends and family. They’re invaluable, I wouldn’t be where am I’m now without them.
Hope this helps you in a sense that you’re not the only single pregnant lady in the world. Keep your chin up.
annie x18 August 2019 at 10:21 pm #29355
Facing your first birth alone and heartbroken and in a new place sounds terrifying. I would really recommend seeking out a birth doula- they would support you emotionally and practically, and be there for you during labour and the early weeks.
It would be wonderful to be near someone who understands the emotional aspects of pregnancy, labour and newborn babies, and make you feel safe again while your hormones are changing so dramatically.
I can also recommend a really good book called Birthing from Within (can’t remember the author’s name, sorry) which deals with the emotional side of birth in a really practical way.24 December 2019 at 1:14 pm #34387
Hang in there. I’m guessing you are due by now or had little Bubba. It’s hard being a new mum, very hard even with a partner.
My ex left me and baby 2 months ago, when our son was only 4 months old. Unfortunately some guys aren’t prepared for a family or are too selfish to realise it’s not all about them.
My family were a rock and glad yours are too. It’s heartbreaking, I know but it will click into place. Soon you’ll see that you 2 are better off without him.
Sending love x24 December 2019 at 5:09 pm #34389
I’m sorry that you’re going through this, I know exactly how you feel. Other than living in Australia our stories are identical! I’m 7 weeks down the line from him leaving. Its still not easy, but each day I’m getting a bit stronger. So will you x24 October 2020 at 9:11 pm #45087
I wished I’d of seen this post before because I felt the exact same way. My ex did come back when our daughter was born but then left again recently. Things are at an all time low again but feeling a bit more positive now. My daughter has just turned a year old so was going through this at the same time u both were. How are things now for you both?25 October 2020 at 10:08 pm #45108
Thank you for opening your heart and reaching out like you have. I have the upmost respect for you and the strength you have shown.
I really echo what Colster shared in the above post so honest and true. I am also 5 pregnant and single again with a little one due in February. Its such a roller-coaster of emotions I have found and pregnant ladies often feel vulnerable and fragile as it is with all the changes happening whilst growing a baby, whilst also throwing into the equation the emotional and practical changes you have experienced. Its truly life changing and you really will evolve and flourish in ways you never realised would be possible without such experiences, you will look back and be immensely proud of who you have and are becoming.
Children are such blessings and regardless of circumstances you will have a beautiful child to cherish and whom you shall be the most important and loved person in their life to share with. Everything in life will feel and look so much different once they are born.
Keeping you in my thoughts and sending love and light your way.
Faye x4 March 2021 at 5:00 am #50612
I was 26 weeks my bd stole my car, fought me, got me evicted and left and blames me for thinking well assuming he was cheating. He acts jealous when I mention someone else but I know he’s just trying to keep me as a option for if who he’s seeing doesn’t work out crazy part I believe she stays near me.. one thing I know is that yes it’s hard I believe the pregnancy makes it harder just don’t forget I believe when we hold our babies we will be at peace again