5 months pregnant and ex has left me :(

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This topic contains 19 replies, has 9 voices, and was last updated by  red23 5 days, 11 hours ago.

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  • #29000 Report

    HannahC
    Participant

    I had been with my partner 8 years and I was living in Australia with him. He has just left me at 5.5 months pregnant so I sorted my stuff out and got on a flight to come home to England (Ipswich) as I was getting increasingly stressed out being there.

    My family and friends are amazing but now I am struggling to love my bump and feel guilty for feeling this way. Also trying to slot back into my old life over here. I am struggling.

    Had my first midwife appt and she was amazing but I am so angry, hurt and lost as we’ve always been so in love and this has come so suddenly.

    I am petrified about going this alone and cant see any light. I miss him and I am bitter. I hate that he has taken my life there from me and I have to change everything whilst he can move on.

    I have some therapy booked and trying to get myself together but I feel like im the only single pregnant woman out there and scared I will never love again. This feels like physical pain.

    Would love to meet with other single parents to find out how you coped and those who may bw going through this for support.

    Hannah x

    #29011 Report

    Ramblinjon
    Participant

    Hi Hannah.

    Welcome to the forum.

    It’s no wonder that you’re struggling with so many major changes in your life in such a short time.

    As for ‘doing this alone’ you’re not alone, we are all single parents here, if we are doing it you can to. You will survive this hiccup in your life.

    You have the most fantastic thing in your life coming up, your going to be a parent which is in my opinion the greatest thing in life. You will experience the best love of your life, nothing compares. You’re going to be ok.

    I know you’re missing your ex but really that’s a short term thing, it doesn’t feel like it atm but it’s very true, in 5 years time you will remember that you felt this way but it will feel alien, you’ll remember the hurt but you won’t be feeling it.

    Mark

    #29014 Report

    HannahC
    Participant

    Thank you Mark, I appreciate your words.

    I dont want to be bitter but he has taken my whole life from me and I am angry im having to find a new rouine. Plus the fact hes left me to do this without a partner and our unborn daughter without a daddy.

    I am trying to be positive but I cant see light. I am worried as I am not bonding with my bump since all of this.

    Fingers crossed I can get through it.

    Hannah

    #29015 Report

    Jim123
    Participant

    Hi Hannah,

    Blimey, I struggled coming home after a years travelling in Australia! You’ve been dealt a bad hand that’s for sure.  Breakups are unbelievably hard on their own with out all the other stuff you’ve got to deal with.

    It would be weird and unnatural if you didn’t feel the way you do.

    There is nothing to do but try and rebuild your life bit by bit.  I’m in a dark place too at the moment and it’s hard to see the way forward.  I think the previous reply you had from Mark was really good, I agree that in five years time, impossible as it seems to believe now, you will no longer feel any of the pain you are feeling now.

    Trouble is that’s a long way off and you’re probably wondering about the next five days or even minutes!

    Your problems aren’t just emotional, they are also practical.  You should lean as heavily as you can on your family and friends, that’s what they’re for, you are about to find out who you can count on, some will be pure gold and others will really let you down, it’s the way it goes.

    Trust that everything will be ok in the end but try and get through each day one day at a time,  I’m sure you will bond with your daughter and be a great Mum.  If you can get through this you can get through anything and be so strong as a result.  I know that you probably feel that you are dragging a big net full of rocks behind you at the moment, (I think a lot of people on here do) life has given you an absolute kicking but believe in your ability to take it, you’ll find you’re a lot stronger than you think you are, it’s not going to be easy, in fact it’s going to be really really hard for a long time but you will get there.  Good luck x.

     

    #29016 Report

    HannahC
    Participant

    Thank you.

    My family and friends have been amazing – I couldn’t be without them right now its just everything is complete change for me right now and I’ve gone from having it all with someone who has always loved me to suddenly him not wanting to do this. Im missing my ex’s physical touch which made me feel loved and safe.

    I love him but I am hating him for putting me in this position. I can’t ever forgive this.

    Thank you for your replies x

     

     

    #29043 Report

    Rhirhi1990
    Participant

    Hi Hannah,

    Your post made me register for this website as I think I can really relate to what you are going through. I broke up with my fiancé after 10 years together at three months pregnant with a much sought after baby.

    I am now 31 weeks pregnant and not in contact with him at all for reasons I don’t want to put on a public forum so I completely empathise with your confusing feelings of loss and anger.

    I find the lack of intimacy really difficult lately despite also feeling completely betrayed and hurt. There are so many moments I wish he was here.

    I hate that I suddenly have to rely on my family so much and that my independence and lifestyle has been ripped away and sometimes this is so overwhelming but I do also have moments of strength and optimism.

    I too worried about bonding with bump and I have a therapist who challenged me to spend 5 minutes every evening talking to him (baby boy). I now can’t keep my hands off him and he is my light at the end of the tunnel. Perhaps it could work for you? I have a ‘Ewan the dream sheep’ that I play to bump every night so even if I don’t talk to him it’s a bit of ‘us’ time.

    I hope it helps to know your not the only one going through a similar situation. I just felt your words came right from my heart and it feels like people don’t always understand.

    Sending hugs! Rhi x

    #29047 Report

    HannahC
    Participant

    Oh Rhi,

    Wow thank you so much for this.  I am sorry you have had to go through all of this too.

    I will definitely try your suggestion to help get my bond back and hoping that once my therapy starts next week that this can help me in some way deal with the way I react to things plus help me through all of this.

    Tonight has been a real struggle and I have broken down again. I can only hope things improve from here although currently I can’t see how. Fingers crossed in time i can start to see light.

    Thank you for your support x

    #29048 Report

    Ramblinjon
    Participant

    Rhi,

    Awww that’s a lovely post. You’re so right in thinking it’s the light at the end of the tunnel, there is nothing like seeing that little one, for me it was the greatest moment of my life and while it’s been a struggle it my boy was more than worth it.

    You bonding with your little one before they’ve popped out is wonderful ☺

    Mark x

    #29049 Report

    Ramblinjon
    Participant

    Hannah.

    It’s normal to worry to think things won’t change for the better but that’s an irrational fear, you’ve already started the road to recovery(Im thinking about the split from your ex) by chatting to us here, there are so many people out there going through the same and like you they will get through it .

    Mark x

    #29060 Report

    Rhirhi1990
    Participant

    Your welcome! Your post helped me too!

    I was really worried about my stress levels affecting my baby (still do to be fair) and the best bit of advice my therapist gave me was allow yourself to feel shit!

    She said shout, scream, cry, listen to loud music, whatever you need to do because it is much more damaging to hold it in and have all the stress hormones circulating than being true to your feelings.

    Sometimes I feel like everyone expects you to be strong when you just feel like running. So hard going through a break up whilst pregnant! No out on the town with the girls!

    We can do this and we will be super strong for it!!!

    And thank you Jon, your son sounds like a lucky boy 😊

    #29062 Report

    HannahC
    Participant

    Thank you.

    Today has been another bad day so I am hoping in time I can get to the level you are at

    X

    #29065 Report

    Colster
    Participant

    Hi Hannah

    Sorry to hear about your situation. Mine isn’t exactly the same but there are some parallels I can relate to. I am 34 weeks pregnant and also have a 2 year old. I split up with my ex after he had an affair with his colleague and ultimately decided he wanted to be with her (she decided not to in the end). Its definitely harder being pregnant alone than in a couple. Sometimes it’s just little things like not being able to share the baby kicking with him. He lives near by and still helps out with our 2 year old but I find it emotionally distressing to be around him after everything he has put me through so we dont have shared time with our daughter. When I have her I’m either exhausted doing it all alone or when he has her I just feel empty and alone. Tried looking up support groups to see if I could meet up with any people in my area in a similar situation but cant really find anything. I think letting your family and friends know how you feel helps so they can support you however they are able. I’m still working through this journey and every day is an emotional roller coaster so not sure I can be that useful offering advice, but I do think it’s worth remembering that everything in life is temporary so at some point things will get easier. X

    #29066 Report

    HannahC
    Participant

    Thank you for that.

    I tried looking up groups too but I am in Ipswich and only saw some who were in essex.

    I am sorry to hear you are going through this situation. Its so so hard.

    My family and friends are amazing but I know they are so sad seeing me so hurt.

    I miss my life in oz and feel like my last few years there have been a blur.

    I am not just grieving for the relationship but also angry at the situation he has now forced me into – of going alone without him, financially and the fact I cannot be alone without a friend or relative right now as my thoughts are so bleak.

    I was hoping I would feel better each day but I think it’s actually now all hitting me like a ton of bricks.

    I have accepted he isnt coming back to me its just he can carry on living his amazing life in our amazing aparmtet in the sun by the beach whilst I go throguh all of this without him.

    Life sucks right now and I dont want to be a whinge but I do not see myself happy again. Then I feel guilty about my growing bump that I am not connecting with right now.

    Hoping time is a healer x

    #29076 Report

    Colster
    Participant

    Its normal for you to feel all these things. You trusted someone and he let you down badly. Let him continue this amazing life you think he is living. Its shallow and won’t amount to much in the end. At some point his selfishness will catch up with him while you will have meaning in your life with child to look after. I would just allow yourself to feel whatever you feel, maybe write it down if that helps but don’t try and fight it. Guilt is something you feel a lot as a parent but just let yourself bond with your baby in your own time. There are no rules about how long that should take, its your own experience. People keep reminding me I should be grateful and happy for my children, which I am, but I dont think that means I’m not allowed to feel frustrated, sad and sometimes hopeless about going it alone. Children are great and offer you a lot but you have still lost the support and intimacy of the father, which is not easy. Once the baby arrives it will become more of a reality and you will start to detach from your old life as you get to grips with your new one. You have already shown strength in the decisions you have made so allow yourself to feel bleak until things get better and dont punish yourself for it.

    #29078 Report

    HannahC
    Participant

    Thank you. I will try to keep all this in mind x

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