40yr old widower

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  • #7664 Report

    MondoBarzuki
    Participant

    I’m a 40yr old man with two young children. My wife passed away two weeks ago. Obviously, we’re devastated and trying to get our heads together. Does anyone have any advice?

    Thx

    #7666 Report

    AJ
    Participant

    Hi, just read your post and wanted to say how very sorry I am to hear that your wife has died. How truely awful for you and your children. I don’t have any real advice as my situation is so different other than to say that you will all be ok in the end. You have an immensely long and difficult road ahead but you will find a new normal and your children will be fine x

    #7672 Report

    Cliveceltic
    Participant

    No advice but didn’t want to read and run.  Sorry for your loss, i cant even imagine how devastating it is for you all.  Hope you find the right advice and support. Hopefully someone can point you in the right direction.

    xxx

    #7678 Report

    JaneE
    Participant

    Sorry for your loss.  Do you have any bereavement support? Perhaps your gp can help point you towards local services that can help you and your children emotionally and practically.  Don’t suffer in silence, reach out and get help.

    #7698 Report

    Shay
    Participant

    Sorry for your loss, when my friend passed away, her husband found support from WAY widowed and young, they can also put you in contact with services supporting children. Take care

    #7700 Report

    Tonys25
    Participant

    Hi sorry to hear about your loss, like you I’m bringing up 2 young kids by myself, 2 girls, their mum isn’t dead, we just don’t see her . We have had our fair share of problems though, I find myself trying to hide my emotions from the kids. They are kids and need a rock to lean on not someone else who’s as upset and confused as they are. You are probably a mess right now and wanting to drink yourself into oblivion I know I would be , but you need to hide that mess from the kids let them see that you know everything is going to be okay, even if you aren’t completely convinced.

    Instead of asking how are we going to get through this, you should be asking how am i going to get my kids through this. You get through it by concentrating on the kids.

    #7701 Report

    Tonys25
    Participant

    Hi sorry to hear about your loss, like you I’m bringing up 2 young kids by myself, 2 girls, their mum isn’t dead, we just don’t see her . We have had our fair share of problems though, I find myself trying to hide my emotions from the kids. They are kids and need a rock to lean on not someone else who’s as upset and confused as they are. You are probably a mess right now and wanting to drink yourself into oblivion I know I would be , but you need to hide that mess from the kids let them see that you know everything is going to be okay, even if you aren’t completely convinced.

    Instead of asking how are we going to get through this, you should be asking how am i going to get my kids through this. You get through it by concentrating on the kids.

    #8286 Report

    Swoodarah
    Participant

    Hi

    I’m so sorry for your loss. In terms of advice is there any particular area?

    My husband died suddenly in December and I have a 6 year old and 14 year old so I have an idea of what you are going through.

    In terms of advice,

    first off you are going to have good days and bad days–do not beat yourself up about either. It’s easier to say then do but you will feel guilty for having good days and also guilty for having bad days because the kids are relying on you.

    Second move at your speed-up don’t let anyone tell you how to feel or when to feel it.

    Third it’s OK to cry in front of your kids or not cry do what you feel is best.

    In terms of supporting the kids look at cruse bereavement they have some really helpful stuff but it depends on their ages.

    Let me know if you need if I can help.

    Just focus on one day at a time and try and get through that day together.

    #8325 Report

    MondoBarzuki
    Participant

    Hi Swoodarah.

    I’m sorry for your loss. It must have been incredibly hard so close to Christmas. I hope you have good people around you.

    Thank you so much for your kind words.

    Just knowing there are others in the same position is a comfort in itself.

    I have made contact with a local charity called Simon Says and my GP has been really helpful. I will certainly check out Cruse and I’m also going to approach Winston’s Wish.

    Although things continue to be pretty tough, we’re coping reasonably well.

    I’m struggling most with the loneliness, especially in the evening when the kids have gone to bed. But I know this is unavoidable and I hope will get easier.

    Thanks again

     

    #8641 Report

    Swoodarah
    Participant

    Thanks you for the message.

    I got the children the muddles, puddles and sunshine book from winstons wish for us to work through together. It helps them remember their dad although sometimes they find it difficult. We also made a memory jar of different things we all did together (it’s just pebbles with writing on) but it helps them remember the good times.

    Christmas was really tough luckily my mum was there to help especially because he had got the kids a special present each so there were a lot of tears.

    Like you I’m finding the loneliness hard it hits as soon as the kids go to bed and I’m more aware that he is missing. I think that will take a long time to get used to but I’m trying to stay busy. It is really tough but I’ve accepted that there will be good days and bad days.

    If there is anything I can do to help or you need someone to talk to just get in touch. It helps to know there are others going through the same thing and that what is happening is normal.

    Take care.

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