35 weeks pregnant and now single

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  • #42836 Report

    Pregnantandsingle
    Participant

    So, long story short… my partner and I have been together for 18 months, we have known each other a while. We bought a house together in November of last year and in January this year we found out we were expecting (after trying for 6-7 months!)

    As soon as I became pregnant he changed… he became very distant etc, didn’t really seem excited or happy despite it being planned and both ‘loving’ one another, having a brilliant new house and both earning good money.

    Fast forward to lockdown and a lot seemed to unravel about our relationship and he just didn’t seem happy… mentioned to me about an abortion, said he didn’t feel our relationship was strong enough and then would change his mind and say everything will be fine. For the record I would never have been able to abort my baby.

    Anyway, during lockdown he began to go around to his families often, regardless of the fact I have a blood disorder and a low immune system and was ‘vulnerable’. Had poker nights with the lads and just wouldn’t abide by social distancing rules. I am so close to my family but yet didn’t see them for all or lockdown and spoke via FaceTime etc.

    We then had a massive row before my 20 week scan and he told me that because I’ve suffered with anxiety in the past and an eating disorder that he was going to leave me and take full custody of our unborn child. Which as you can imagine, hit me like a tonne of bricks. He began to speak to me awfully constantly, seemed to resent me as I was able to continue working and take home my full salary as was able to work at home, and just in general seemed to dislike me as a person.

    He then one night became what I would say emotionally and physically abusive. He threw paint on me, told me I would be an awful mother and wouldn’t be anywhere near as a good mum as his, told me that he didn’t want to be with me anymore and told me I should go and live with my parents. I rang my family and due to having no car at the time (as I was awaiting delivery of my new ‘family’ car) and asked if they would pick me up the next day. It seems he didn’t expect me to go home and when I had actually left didn’t really contact me or bother with me. We then a few weeks later decided I would go back and try and sort through things. I was back for a number of hours and he seemed very distant with me, didn’t seem interested in talking or about the baby and wanted to sit in different rooms. This was ongoing for a number of weeks/months as in back and to to my parents and each time I went back it seemed more distant.

    Since then there has been girls surfacing – random stories which are so far fetched it’s untrue and then last week I moved back home (currently 8 months pregnant) and he randomly told me that anything that has happened over the last few months had to be forgotten about and that he had unblocked his ex (from years ago) on Facebook. Very random considering they were together years ago and very recently I have now seen she became single…. he then had a massive go at me as I started crying etc Saying to get a grip of my self and I’m ridiculous. She then started to view and like my things on Instagram – never met the girl in my life and no mutual friends in common so obviously all a bit odd. He called me a number of vile things and I slept on the couch. I came back the morning after to my mums and I am going to have the baby here and as far as I am aware we have broken up. I just feel so so scared of doing all of this alone and just need some advice on how to deal with this at such a late stage.

    #42842 Report

    Graceymay
    Participant

    I’m so sorry to hear your troubles pregnantandsingle. I promise you you will be ok, as it is you dont seem to have much support from him so your doing it on your own as it is!

    It wont change though and that’s the hard thing to accept. He is not a real man and you will end up doing it on your own…I’m now 40 weeks pregnant and my ex left me for his ex when I was 9 weeks pregnant and then turned horrifically abusive for my whole pregnancy although I havent seen him since I was 9 weeks gone.

    You now need to cut the cord with this man and focus on the life you want for this baby. Think about it if you have a little girl would you be ok if she was treated like this? No you wouldnt or if you had a son would he be a good role model? You have 5 weeks to become the parent you want to be. It’s hard the grief ,the pain but it will be worth it when you see your baby.

    It is so overwhelming but that passes, cry and let yourself feel it but you need to get out of this situation. You can do this

     

    #42846 Report

    Hi both

    My name is Justine and I am one of the moderators here at Gingerbread.  Its important to get the right information and advice so you can see what options are available to you.  I recommend that you contact our single parent helpline.  Our team of trained advisers will be able to help you to explore your situations and may be able to offer relevant signposting that can help your situations.   I also recommend that you contact the National Domestic Violence Helpline as you have both described being in abusive situations.  Here are the details of both:

    • Gingerbread Single Parent Helpline – Freephone 0808 802 0925

    Opening hours:  Mon 10 – 6, Tues 10- 4, Wed 10 – 1 & 5 – 7, Thurs 10 – 4, Fri 10 – 4  They can be busy so callers can expect to wait up to 20 minutes before the call is answered.

    • National Domestic Violence helpline – for support with regards to historic abuse  Freephone, 24-hour: 0808 2000 247 http://www.nationaldomesticviolencehelpline.org.uk/

    Hope this information helps.

    Kind regards, Justine

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