32 weeks and thinking about the birth

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  • #9920 Report

    mum2be
    Participant

    <span style=”font-family: ‘.SFUIText’; font-size: 17pt;”>Hello everyone,</span>

     

    <span style=”font-family: ‘.SFUIText’; font-size: 17pt;”>I am new here, and just discovered gingerbread. I am looking for advice regarding birth and registering the birth. I am currently 32 weeks pregnant, and when I told my partner of 4 years that I was pregnant, he left. So I have set up home on my own and just getting my last bits together. I work full time as a nurse so my maternity pay is suffice and every last penny I have spent has been put towards getting everything I need to support a baby and set up the nursery, pram, car seat etc etc. With regards to my ex, I have been in touch with him on and off and tried to keep things amicable (perhaps naively hoping he will come back as the thoughts of single parenting are daunting) but anyway it’s clear he is not. He has a daughter already who he left behind when she was born and he went to live in Australia, he was put on the birth certificate and came back when she was 4 and was automatically granted access through the courts. So what I am wondering is, should he be present at the birth? As he hasn’t been involved but I feel guilty taking the moment away from him. And do I put him on the birth certificate? As I can’t bare the thought of him making decisions regarding our daughter or taking her away from me. Any advice would be greatly appreciated. </span>

    #9923 Report

    Empty
    Participant

    He can be at the birth if you think it will help YOU (sounds like it won’t, and tbh no one not medically trained can help and even then, only you alone can go through with it). DO NOT put him on the birth certificate.

    You make it sound as though you are attached to him, rather than he is attached to you. Make sure your head is straight, head over heart. That will stand you in good stead in the years to come.

    That would be my advice.

     

    #9934 Report

    mum2be
    Participant

    Thank you very much. I tried to write honestly to see what other people thought. And yes I do need to think with my head not my heart.

    #9945 Report

    Schubert
    Participant

    Hi mum2be, as far as I know, in order to have parental responsibility , the father would have to be named on the birth certificate?

    In order for him to get pr, he would need your agreement/permission at any time after the initial registration made by you.

    With regards to having him at the birth? Only you can decide that. Or do you have a parent, sibling, friend who can be with you  at that time?

    You sound like an amazing mum. Please let us know when the baby is born. So exciting!!

    Jamiebear

     

    #9947 Report

    Empty
    Participant

    Hi Mum2Be,

    Just to be clear, if he is not on the birth certificate he won’t be able to prove parental rights (vis a vis schools for example) without your agreement. However, he will always have parental responsibilities financially, though if it gets bitter, you might have to arrange a DNA test to prove it – but even being on the birth certificate won’t prevent that. You could me down on the birth certificate, but that doesn’t prove I’m the father. There are other pro and cons both ways, and it depends how much influence you are worried he might seek at any point in their childhood that you may not be comfortable with.

    He left you the minute you said you were pregnant and he did the same with a previous mother? It’s your choice, but I thought they were facts worth repeating in bold!

    #9955 Report

    mum2be
    Participant

    Thank you for your replies. I believe if I dont put him on the birth certificate, he can take me to court for parental rights anyway, and that he can also request a DNA test as proof. I’m willing to put him on at a later date, if he proves I can trust him and he can be a father, but only time will tell.

    #9959 Report

    Empty
    Participant

    He won’t have to take you to court. He can’t without mediation anyway. If you accept mediation you can say yes or no to his input. Doesn’t sound like he’d be bothered anyway.

    As you say, time will tell, so don’t sweat it.

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