3 years post divorce and worse than ever
19 December 2019 at 8:36 pm #34217
hi all, I’m new to this. I’ve had another horrendous day and I’m just really struggling to cope. I work full time in a new job. I took it on to be close to home and my daughter even though it’s a lot less pay and leave and a demotion but I thought the trade off would be worth it. nearly a year later, my anxiety levels are through the roof due to the stressful nature of the job and I just can’t get a “win” anywhere. I’m cocking up this job, I’m not being a particularly good parent cos I’m constantly at work and when I’m with my girl, I’m thinking about the crap that happened at work and worrying about the next day. vicious circle doesn’t even begin to cover it. I had a day off today for her Xmas play and I had a car accident ( my fault) right before it and I just stood in the street thinking why god why. I was so looking forward to a lovely wee christmassy day of me and her but instead it was all ruined by constant worry about car insurance and money. I just feel like I can’t do anything right or make a good decision to save my life and yet if you asked me what would I have done differently (‘re the job) I would say I have no idea . I used to work an hour away and when she started school it was going to be a non starter. I had to get something closer to home and when I did I was over the moon Initially. but now I feel this is the worst I’ve been since my divorce 3 years ago. I’ve been trying to avoid medication for anxiety and depression but now I feel I’ve lost the battle and I have no choice. sorry for the utter pity fest but this day has just been the worst .19 December 2019 at 8:51 pm #34219
I’m sorry you’re having a difficult time. It sounds like you recognise you’re suffering with anxiety and depression. Please, PLEASE don’t feel as if you’ve ‘lost the battle’ by taking medication. Would you think the same way if you had to take tablets for diabetes??? Just because your condition isn’t physical it doesn’t make it any less real.
If you start on medication you may well find you can actually think a bit clearer to be able to resolve any problems you have within your life. Depression is often described as a grey fog on the brain, so no wonder you’re not able to think straight! I think you should make an appointment with your gp and have a chat with them. Things can only get better, and I’m sure with the right help they will.19 December 2019 at 10:27 pm #34220
I don’t know what to suggest, but I just want to say I get it and that you aren’t alone. I’m a year post divorce, two years post separation and I’m struggling.
its very hard dealing with it all on your own.
Try to be kind to yourself19 December 2019 at 11:03 pm #34223
So sorry to hear that you are going through this. If it is any consolation, you are not alone.
The line I’m cocking up this job, I’m not being a particularly good parent cos I’m constantly at work and when I’m with my girl, I’m thinking about the crap that happened at work and worrying about the next day. vicious circle doesn’t even begin to cover it” resonates so much with me.
I know how hard it is to be kind to yourself, especially when you have anxiety but the fact that you are worrying about it, honestly means that you are a much better parent than you think you are.
I am also 3 & a half years down the line & this is probably the lowest I have been too. I am about to face the first Christmas morning waking up without my children as they will be with their Dad & feeling as if everything in my life is pointless at the moment. I only registered here today to find others who may understand & your post stood out straight away.
Try to take each day as it comes & please see your GP about your anxiety & depression. I think it is in our nature to try to carry on & it just isn’t sustainable. Please get some support & keep chatting on here.
Thinking of you x
20 December 2019 at 12:40 pm #34239
- This reply was modified 6 months, 3 weeks ago by GingerbreadJustine. Reason: removed formatting
Sorry to hear that, sometimes things just get on top of us especially this time of year.
As others have said don’t see possibly going on some medication as a failure, they are a great help to get you in a better place. I separated in January and instantly went to the docs for anxiety meds and it had massively helped me.
You are not on your own, always people to talk on here. Just fight through this low time and keep going. Enjoy time with your daughter once you break for Christmas and try to not put too much pressure on yourself.22 December 2019 at 7:02 am #34306
My divorce was 6 years ago and i still dont feel im making a good job of any of this. It’s hard to do the work that 2 people would normally do, while struggling with your own feelings of loss too.
I feel less alone reading your post.