3 examples of “should I claim cms??” What are your thoughts???
16 May 2021 at 7:15 pm #54205
Sometimes I feel the users of this forum are bias towards other users, especially on the topic of maintenance and if single parents should claim for maintenance or not….. so I’d like to give 3 examples of “should I claim maintenance?”
example 1) I became a single parent at 6 months pregnant, completely unexpected. I’m close to 40 and have no savings as I have alway paid the rent and bills whilst he saved for a house. Now he wants nothing to do with me or the baby!? Should I claim maintenance via cms?
example 2) my ex has been abusive and I have spent 18 months asking him to step up and be a dad, he hasn’t. So I’ve asked him to go contact mediation. He refused and has continued his abusive behaviour via third parties. I work part time and have very little left over each month. I am struggling, but I’m scared to go to cms for help. Should I claim maintenance via cms??
example 3) I’ve just landed myself a great job, pays good, it’s part time and fits around school hours. I can fully support myself and my child, but after a week of trying to arrange childcare and the realisation I’m £10k-£15k a year down on what I could earn, I’m frustrated he’s know where to be seen and earning his full potential wage £30-£40k a year and contributing nothing! Should I claim maintenance via cms?17 May 2021 at 10:35 am #54216
seems like valid reasons to claim. amicable parents would not have to go down CMS route, and just make a private arrangement among themselves.19 May 2021 at 12:43 am #54296
Lulublue,are you asking this for an answer or just to make a point?19 May 2021 at 7:41 am #54316
It was a bit of a rant and a vent. All examples are mine over the last 4 years. Maintenance is a constant battle in my head, should I claim, should I not.
I get conflicting views from friends and family. Maintenance, the little that has been paid has been used as a form of control.
sometimes I get the impression people who are financially ok shouldn’t chase maintenance, but if you’re struggling you are entitled to it. if you’ve been in an abusive relationship and you want to chase for maintenance you’re asking for trouble and asking for the abuse to start again.
I find it frustrating two people choose to have a baby and one is left with all the responsibility19 May 2021 at 11:22 am #54325
100% true.Sorry to say you’re right.But other people don’t have a right to judge really.Your life will be more comfortable if you just do what suits you.Forget Them.19 May 2021 at 7:28 pm #54363
I claimed and I got abuse – it was used as a form of control. So i withdrew my claim. I rather live with dignity than be abused.19 May 2021 at 11:26 pm #54366
I don’t understand. I thought by going through Child maintenance service, they deal with payments and contact your ex, so how did you still face abuse from your ex?21 May 2021 at 9:56 am #54430
I think you need to decide for yourself whether it is worth the hassle. I think yes he should pay maintenance – you planned this child together. But if he is using it to control you and setting conditions and lying about income etc and you do well without it you may decide it’s not worth the stress.
But raising children don’t get cheaper – they get more expensive. Clothes, electronics etc all cost more than a tub of playdoh. And you’re obviously buying everything.23 May 2021 at 9:29 pm #54592
So after many weeks/months of thought, research, asking for opinions on here and talking to family and friends…
I’ve decided the question shouldn’t be “why are you applying for maintenance?”
the question should be “why are they not paying maintenance?”
…. it doesn’t matter what position you’re in! It takes two to make a baby and why should one be financial responsible??
I’m now in a good position, but the government still top my wage up so, Why should someone remove themselves and have no responsibility at all??
and as for the question about “how can they abuse you through the CMS system?” They can, if you still have a form of third party contact. My child may not see her dad, but she still sees her grandma (his mum), there is still social media and mutual friends…. that’s if you’ve cut all ties with them. If not, you’re still under the “spell” of abuse and the will contact you and make you feel awful! I claimed in 2019 and he abused me into revoking my claim.23 May 2021 at 10:34 pm #54593
I feel awful hearing all that! It is so obvious that system doesn’t care about the single parent as it keeps claiming. Why there are no consequences for horrible people who become parents and put that child through hell???System in our country is so flawed but no one really cares. Abuser seems to win the battle at every step because system enables it. Why there are no strict penalties for men who do not want to take responsibility and choose abuse as a get away clause? Why women suffer by being single moms? I am so 😡! There are literally no justice for women in this system especially when they become single moms and the horrible other parent enjoys the full freedom and we are stuck with kids and loneliness!!24 May 2021 at 11:26 am #54610
I don’t think being stuck with kids is loneliness. the parent with children has a lot more financial support from the government.6 June 2021 at 2:10 pm #54970
Relieved to have read this.
I also battle with the idea of should I claim maintenance .
Ex was behaving strange and allowed tensions to rise, causing a argument which resulting him sleeping on the sofa. After a few days of this I was in a pit on how a not valid argument ended with him happily taking the sofa and ignoring any attempt to sort thing out… worked out a few days later he was chatting to someone else and needed a excuse to be thrown out!
since then, he’s admitted hadn’t been happy for a while… in the period of his unhappiness we have had a child and a mortgage & some debt.
I had worked from when my son turned 8month, working night and took care of our child and our home!
since our split I moved onto days, working around school hours and enough to pay bills and originally taking into account he’ll pay his way (maintenance).
now he’s skint paying rent/debts/bills.
im torn, or maybe anger. I didn’t ask for this, do I allow him to go maintenance free whist I struggle and often look at a 2nf job. Or just make him pay towards the cost of having a child.
I just feel guilty taking it when he says he struggles, wish I didn’t.10 June 2021 at 12:24 am #55023
Simply put, if someone has a biological child and they don’t live in the home with the child, then they should contribute financially for that child regardless of any other circumstances.
My husband left 17 months ago . I asked nicely to make an arrangement between us but he refused. Very uncharacteristic as he has always been very generous. So I applied for child maintenance. I earn only 23% of my husbands salary but have been been left to manage a family home, child and car. He moved to a cheap flat. I’m probably the least materialistic person ever but my daughter shouldn’t have to go without. Even if were super rich, you can’t just walk away from a joint responsibility.
Nobody should feel guilty for making an application.