28 weeks pregnant with unreasonable ex partner about child arrangements!

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  • #28878 Report

    Octoberbaby19
    Participant

    Hi,

    i am currently 28 weeks + 2 and recently split from my ex (the father of baby)

    I feel a little stuck on what to do about child arrangements as each time I have communicated with baby’s dad about making arrangements between ourselves he has shut me down and refused to talk any more and majority of the time will threaten blocking me or has done so for a short time.

    He lives an hours drive away from me and I do not currently hold a full drivers license as of yet (working on  it).

    He also works 5 days a week from 8:00-16:00 or 9:00-17:00 Monday-Friday.

    He is a bit of a control freak and is already telling me that he expects to have our Newborn from week one from Friday evening until Monday morning (he has suggested he will drive himself).

    I feel very strongly about breastfeeding and he knows how I feel about it but has flat out told me to express milk for him to store in the Fridge and/or Freezer at his during baby’s stay.

    I was wondering if any has been through anything similar (or knows anyone who has) and has any advice on what action to take.

    #28886 Report

    greenwoman
    Participant

    Hello lovely,

    I have written and deleted over and over trying to respond to you, I had a similar situation and made bad decisions out of fear because he was such a bully and it is such a vulnerable time when you are pregnant and the first two years.  My babydaddy used that fear and vulnerability to get exactly what he wanted and now I am stuck.  I will forever hate myself for it.

    You should let him see his child but pretty much as Anonymous says.  Make him fight for all his rights because if you give him anything he will just want more and more. If he is controlling like mine is he will never accept anything less than being fully equal to you and that is not reasonable with a very young child.

    I’m sorry for the rambles, I want to be supportive but it turns out it brings up so much pain for me I don’t actually know what to say haha.

    Best of luck, be strong xx

    #28887 Report

    Ramblinjon
    Participant

    Hiya,

    I’m a full time dad and have been since my boy was a toddler. I’m very pro father in a child’s life.

    I have to agree with what’s already been said. Anonymous has given you some great advice although I’m uncomfortable with the idea of not naming him as the dad, but that is a vague thing and have no idea whether it’s better to name the dad or not. The dad does sound like a bully and his demands are unreasonable, much as I’m pro dad for the very earliest part of a child’s life mum should always be there within reason.

    I think it would help you to get some professional advice, the first place I’d ask is here, the gingerbread helpline are specialy trained and have the most up to date information and resources. You can find their number under contact  us at the bottom of the page.

    Another couple of resources to try are :

    British pregnancy advisory service 0345 7304030

    And

    ‘Rights of women 020 7251 6577 We are a women’s charity working in a number of ways to help women through the law. Our vital services aim to provide women with the legal advice and information they need to understand and use the law and their legal rights.’

    Also

    Family Lives provide general support to families on issues around parenting, emotional support and just generally coping as a parent https://www.familylives.org.uk/  0808 800 2222

    Mark

    #28905 Report

    Hi all

    This has been an interesting post to read with some suggestions and some signposting.  I would suggest further that if you are going to look at future contact arrangements, its best to ensure that you receive correct information around this.  Our single parent helpline will be able to help you to explore your options.

    • Gingerbread Single Parent Helpline – Freephone 0808 802 0925

    Opening hours:  Mon 10 – 6, Tues 10- 4, Wed 10 – 1 & 5 – 7, Thurs 10 – 4, Fri 10 – 4  They can be busy so callers can expect to wait up to 20 minutes before the call is answered.

    Also, there has been mention of dealing with ex partners that are controlling and bullying.  This can influence your decisions if fear is involved.  You can always seek advice form the National Domestic violence helpline.  They are able to deal with current or historic situations.

    • National Domestic Violence helpline – for support with regards to current or historic abuse  Freephone, 24-hour: 0808 2000 247 http://www.nationaldomesticviolencehelpline.org.uk/

    Take care and I hope that helps, Justine

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