2 months on

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  • #65015 Report


    Wife of 17 years and myself separated 2 months ago and I am still struggling with it. The relationship slowly came to an end over a few years but how it ended left a very bad taste. I supported my wife through 2 masters degrees and as soon as she got a job in another city it was over.

    our 14 year old son lives with myself so we didn’t have to move his school or away from his friends   We are totally not on speaking terms at all, we don’t fight as we don’t talk at all but I am really struggling with it all emotionally.

    I accept that I made huge mistakes neglecting my marriage, losing the romance, letting myself go. But since last summer I made a real effort, lost 5 stones in weight, completely changed diet, and was working on mental health to no avail.

    Basically my emotions and thoughts are all over the place even after two months and I just thought maybe here I would find others who understand as family and my few friends try but don’t really. I have never felt so alone in my life.

    #65029 Report


    Sending love.

    im 2 months in too after a 12 year relationship. I find myself sitting and unpicking everything that went wrong and blaming myself. But it takes two to tango so you can’t take it all on yourself. If your ex isn’t taking to you this makes it all much, much harder. I found a good therapist and even though I’m having to work extra hours to afford it it worth every penny. As my family and friends are losing energy understanding too. Could you do this?
    sending you strength.

    #65033 Report



    i have thought about therapy once I get my finances back on an even track. Just before the split I supported my wife to give up her job for the last few months so she could study for her exams and picked up all the bills and mot for two cars etc and put on credit card thinking once she was working we would be fine, wrong.
    Over the holidays I decided to use what money I had to get some new carpets and decorate as the house had been neglected for years and I wanted it to feel like a home for my son as he is with me most of the time. I am just finding things hard, a lot of negative thoughts, jealous thoughts and struggling with it some days. We just don’t communicate at all and while that’s probably for the best just now it doesn’t make things any easier overall. I struggle with the loneliness also but I think that is more about there suddenly being a huge hole in my life and not having that special someone there when they were before. It’s tough and I just thought I would join gingerbread and see how others coped so thank you very much for reaching out, much appreciated.

    #65068 Report


    I totally understand you here. Completely picked apart what could I have done better, what did I do wrong how can I change things. My oldest two don’t know yet so I can’t let onto them how sad I am so I write letters to get out all the emotions and thoughts running through my head. It does help me get through each down, helps me pick myself up and I remind myself I can do this but the hardest part is the huge hole in my life it has left. He was my best friend who I spent most the day speaking to and was the only person I shared everything with. I just don’t know how to get past this point so hoped joining something like this would help me speak to people and I guess try and fill that gap where I could just speak to someone when I feel completely on my own. Always happy to listen if you just need to talk and not feel completely on your own.

    #65079 Report



    It is very hard and I totally agree with the “huge hole in your life”, I feel that way also. My wife moved to another City so I don’t see her at all and I also took the decision not to have any contact with her at all until yesterday and two pretty negative and nasty texts arrived from her. I didn’t respond as I just don’t want to have the bitterness in my life but it didn’t stop the emotions running wild as I still have some feelings for her, although she has none for myself, and mines are slowly dying off day by day it still hurt. Our marriage was in trouble and a lot of that was down to myself but I was making the effort. Lost a lot of weight , was working on mental health but as soon as she got her job boom, gone. How it was done has just left a bad taste, I feel so used and that has maybe been what has hurt the most on some ways. I am two months in, I am trying to pick myself up, at least for my son as he lives with me. I do think that I would like to meet someone else but my confidence is so shot just now and I lost touch with all, or most, of my friends over the years and don’t even know where to start and that makes loneliness an issue. It’s tough so I know exactly where you are, same for myself, if you want to chat please don;t hesitate as sharing is caring and I think it does help when you chat to people who understand. Family and friends are great but unless they have been there they can’t really get it.

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