17 and 14 yr olds don’t want to visit dad as much

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  • 29 August 2020 at 12:27 pm #43342 Report

    Ttirub
    Participant

    My two children don’t want to visit their dad as much they are 17 and 14. There is a child agreement order in place so they go every other weekend to his. But they are getting to age where they want to be with friends get a Saturday job Learn to drive etc. They are frightened to tell him in case he tries to blame me and say I’ve told not to come. Any advice would be greatly received.

    29 August 2020 at 4:05 pm #43350 Report

    oda
    Participant

    Hi Ttirub

    I am sorry you and girls are in this situation , it is important to find out that wheither  they don’t  want to visit because of  these activities or if there is another reason…… in both case   reassure them it is ok to talk and be honest with their dad,  and perhaps work out alternatives times ..

     

    29 August 2020 at 4:25 pm #43351 Report

    sirtobi
    Participant

    Question is, how many of those activities they can do from their dad’s and how much effort it takes to not book them on the few days they have with him anyway. If the time with him is very limited already it seems sensible not to book activities within. I always made sure our 17 year old visited his mother, even though she wasn’t even around always. He turns 18 next week. Then it is over. From then on it is his choice . And maybe they can try to see it from his point of view and what it means for him. Maybe they can be a little bit emphatic.

    29 August 2020 at 4:29 pm #43352 Report

    Ttirub
    Participant

    He dose not allow them to go out with friends or sleep overs, never has ever one has a motive. As children grow up he would not allow to play out with friends now. Now one of my daughters suffers social anxiety cud she was not aloud to mix

    29 August 2020 at 5:06 pm #43354 Report

    sirtobi
    Participant

    Then it sounds pretty easy to me. Let them have their choice and stand behind them. I think no judge will make them visit under these circumstances. I never figured it out because it wasn’t necessary but there is a way for older children to appeal with legal aid available. Maybe someone else is more knowledgeable about this than me.

    3 September 2020 at 11:23 pm #43517 Report

    Dawt68
    Participant

    Hi Ttirub

    Reading threads on other sites that are solely about court orders I think that these arrangements last until the child is 16.  There is an option to ask for a variation to the existing order via court where you request for amendments to be made in the interests of the children’s wishes. C0hildren over the age of 11/12 generally get their feelings noted

    My understanding is that as long as what is presented is purely in the children’s interests and not about restricting access to the other parent then there generally isn’t a problem

     

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