16 year old son wants to live with his dad

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  • #64716 Report

    A2022
    Participant

    Where do I start .

    Long story short, cheating/abusive ex walked out when son was 10 years old.

    Saw him when he could be bothered..

    Last couple years, he has been seeing more of his dad, doing fun things, taking him out, spending money on him etc etc..

    I can’t afford to do this as I earn a very low wageand work hard and long to provide for us both .

    Anyway, I digress.. my son has now turned round and said when he finishes school, that he wishes to live with his dad (part of me thinks because I can be seen as being strict with reminding to keep clean and tidy/schoolwork/concentrate etc) also because his dad earns more money than I do.. his dad has also arranged for an apprenticeship at a local electricians company too ..

    I am bereft.. I feel like a failure because he wants to leave. He says he will still come and see me, weekends/holidays etc..

    Please tell me things will get better for me.. I don’t resent him wanting to leave,, part of me wants him to experience what it would be like living with his dad etc.

     

     

    #64717 Report

    *deleted user*
    Participant

    You may or may not want my advice hon, and please forgive me if it is intrusive or unwelcome.

    I have a sixteen year old too. Also a narcissistic ex.

    As difficult as it may be my advice to you would be to put a brave face on it, say ‘that’s great, fantastic’ and make arrangements for him to live with his dad.

    If you do, that means his dad will have to finally take his proper part of parenting a difficult teenager.

    And your son will after a couple of days if not weeks recognise that he should have valued his mum more and sooner or later will be begging to come back.

    In the meantime you get a short holiday from a very difficult teen.

    Good luck

    ww.

     

    #64718 Report

    *deleted user*
    Participant

    Or even a longer holiday to put your own plans in place.

    ww.

    #64719 Report

    *deleted user*
    Participant

    But I would send him there NOW and not in two years time. His dad can deal with the stress of getting him through is A levels cant he?

    ww.

    #64720 Report

    sirtobi
    Participant

    I think you have achieved something great. Your son has a good relation to both of his parents. Something most of us aspire to, but not all manage to achieve. Swapping home means you will now be the visiting parent and the time spend with your son will be mostly free of the pressure the day-to-day life puts on us usually. So your relation might improve on the back of it. Our eldest son has just left for Uni, so I feel the pain already, you are anticipating. It is not that bad. There are some upsides in his absence as well. But I miss him, of course. But that is the way of life. Be proud of him, his confidence, the fact he has a plan for his life after school and watch him grow. What better plan would you have for him? Time to take a step back and wait, what the next phase has in store for you. It might be even better.

     

    • This reply was modified 6 days, 13 hours ago by GingerbreadHelen.
    • This reply was modified 6 days, 12 hours ago by GingerbreadHelen. Reason: Community guidelines
    #64725 Report

    A2022
    Participant

    Thankyou for you very kind words, Wearywarrior..very much needed.

    My son never witnessed the abuse,it was emotional,controlling , and on a couple of occasions physical.

     

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