15 weeks pregnant at 43
19 November 2019 at 5:23 am #33035
im 15 weeks pregnant and I’m 43. I never thought I would ever get the chance and honour of being a mum and when it came to be I was over the moon.
We were discussing moving in together next year an my partner and I had been trying for 5 months but we’re not in a great place when I got the news I was pregnant as he had walked out. His reaction was bizarre in my eyes, I thought it was what he wanted as that’s what he had been saying. When I told him he said well you got what you wanted (I’ve only ever wanted to be in a loving relationship, it’s why the pregnancy has never happened before) this was what we wanted? Surely? I didn’t think you could get pregnant? I just said are you sure you want to be saying things like this? I thought he would be happy hug me and say I’ve got you. No.
He was rude, nasty, having a go saying I was always Changing plans? I didn’t know what he was on about. After humiliating me in public, he said we could see each other twice a week and I could contact him whenever? I said it’s like he was torturing me I just wanted a family not some tid bits at arms length. The time when I needed commitment he was making me feel like I was locked in a cage but he would let me out every now and again.
in the end I said do you want me ? He said I won’t change? I replied do you want me? He said no and that’s been that ? ! I went and was sick in the toilet in shock and that has been the last I’ve heard from him. I said I would contact him when baby is born. I couldn’t cope with his mind games.
When we first met his daughters mum was having a rough time and he was talking of going for custody, I had to say to him, she is your daughters mum why don’t you support her so she can get through it? It was very strange to me his reaction. And their split, nothing was his fault?! Rarely the case!
I can’t believe so called men can be so cold, heartless and selfish
I want to have a happy pregnancy but here I am in the middle of the night not sleeping, worrying how I’m going to get through, why he is so cold, how I’m going to handle contact, should I get in touch with him to get details of his intentions with baby? When? Wait til they are born?
how to I deal with all the thoughts.
I did try donor sperm years ago, I was so confident then as I knew The contact with the father would be the child’s decision and I would be able to keep them safe. Now I have to deal with a spineless fool who is quite happy for me to be alone through all of this while he cracks on with life.
I have to trust him with something so precious when I don’t trust him?
how do you do this?
what about grand parents? It’s all unfathomable I can’t get my head around it.
how does this lay right so I can be happy again ?
people have made comments like
oh dear you are not a good age
was it planned?
you old croc
you do know your life will change? No shit!
Just so rude they don’t know what I have been though to have been childless for so long why be so heartless?
Just want someone to hold my hand?
who is ever going to love me?
So alone when I should be so happy19 November 2019 at 3:39 pm #33051
I couldn’t agree any more with what Anonymous has said esp having no contact with him and not even letting him know when you baby is born, like she said he can work out when 9 months is up. From now on you decide how this is going to go, it’s nothing to do with anyone else. You really do not need to have him at the forefront of your mind anymore. Don’t allow him to rule your life from this point on please.
Who is ever going to love you? Your child will love you unconditionally. Your child will not care that you wake up in a morning with your hair all over the place or having a snotty nose coz your full of cold or if you slurp your soup or anything at all like that that. You don’t have to look perfect, you don’t have to behave perfect, you don’t need to have the best house to be loved and that kind of love is not gushy, it’s very real and you will know that when you get there, it’s absolute magic. xx19 November 2019 at 10:59 pm #33074
Thank you for taking the time to reply, I wrote it and sent it to the ether and you have unjumbled it and made sense of it all. You words rang true with me and I will take heed, I have already read it a few times and will prob read it a hundred times more!
thank you x20 November 2019 at 2:07 am #33076
Teddy joe, Kath & Solo are right I’ve been in this situation too and please believe me, you and your child will give each other more love than you can imagine. Your ex is a mean-spirited fool, who will miss out on so much. Take care of yourself and don’t let him back into your life. Congratulations.21 November 2019 at 9:07 pm #33167
i couldn’t agree more with everyone else’s reply, especially the part about not putting said sperm donor on birth certificate!
I won’t bore you with all m details but I was lied to by a married man posing as a single one, fell pregnant very unexpected at 40 and didn’t even realise! Found out my beautiful surprise blessing at 12.5 weeks.
There is a lot of help out there you just have to investigate. I had to redo my degree after moving back to UK.
i have no family, my sperm donor is abroad so it’s my now almost 7 yr old daughter.
Its tough, ive never felt so isolated and exhausted but I wouldn’t change it.
Its obviously not how I imagined my life, but I make the rules, I’m the full time parent and like the gentleman above said, your child will love you unconditionally x
Not sure where you live but if you want to vent or chat let me know. I’m now almost 48 with an almost 7 yr old 🤪