12.5 year old doesn’t want to see her dad
19 July 2020 at 1:31 pm #42341
Hi my daughter is currently 12.5 and hasn’t seen her dad at all through covid. It’s now 18 weeks since she last saw him. He called her once just before covid and never attempted to call her or FaceTime her at all for 16 weeks. He sent her a brief message once a week but then wouldn’t reply if she asked him any questions. She now doesn’t want to see him at all. I sent him an email in January to let him know how much she was struggling Setting into secondary school, mainly with friendships and hormones but also her relationship with him. He never responded to my email and has completely ghosted me. Since that time he has had even less contact and seems to be doing the complete opposite to what I had asked. I told him in the email she needed a better relationship with him and that she needed to feel secure in her relationship with him. I have on occasion tried to encourage her to see him but she’s sticking to her decision. She doesn’t feel she can trust him not to let her down anymore and has given him so many chances since he left 4 years ago. I tried to take him to mediation about 6 months after he left but he didn’t reciprocate. His girlfriend is 20 years younger than he and my daughter doesn’t want anything to do with her as she finds it incredibly awkward having a kinda step mum if that she when her dad is 49. She has also found the girlfriend to be extremely manipulative. I’m supporting my daughter entirely on my own and we have a wonderful strong relationship. I’m just wanting to know if I should be doing anything else or whether my daughter is if any age where she can make the decision not to see her dad? What would happen if he tried to get a consent order to see her?11 August 2020 at 3:59 pm #42887
I can understand fully how you are feeling. My daughter is 12 next week. Her Dad left 2.5 years ago. We have struggled with communication. Since starting year 7 her hormones have been all over the place. Combined with home schooling and isolation, it has been really hard on her. I met up with him to discuss her fragile mental state a few weeks ago but he was not understanding. She has continued to see her dad every other weekend through lock down but last week called me in hysterical tears – she wanted to come home. No reason, just wanted to be at home. (Although believe dads controlling girlfriend may be a contributing issue). I sent her sister (age 22) to pick her up. Dad was furious and gave her a hard time and then called twice to continue to grill her. He refuses to speak to me. Probably blames me, which is easier than taking responsibility or listening to his daughter!
So like you I find myself asking if at 12 she gets to decide when/where / and with whom she stays?
Considering family mediation so that she can speak her mind in a safe environment.13 August 2020 at 12:13 pm #42908
My daughter is 9 and doesn’t want to see her dad at the moment. They haven’t seen each other since March. The reason at the start was virus but then during lockdown I got a lot of questions from her about her dads choices and his behaviour. She has seen and heard things she shouldn’t have from him (I’m with the domestic abuse team) and I’m now speaking to any professional who will listen trying to get her counselling and asking how I handle the situation.
I hope both your children are ok. I have been told that at 12 they can choose if it was a case that was in court.