11 year old son doesn’t want to see his dad

Tagged: Son with autism doesn't want to see his dad.

This topic has 4 replies, 3 voices, and was last updated 3 months, 1 week ago by Gummibear123.

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4 February 2021 at 2:54 pm #49055 Report

JuMar1
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My 11 year old son, with autism, doesn’t want to see his dad. He has PDA so he can be very stuboorn. I say he needs to have a relationship with his dad but he is adamant that he doesn’t want to. He is very angry because he blames his dad for leaving and if I talk about him seeing his dad he gets really angry, saying I am forcing him to see him. His dad thinks I am not doing enough and that I should force and or lie to him to get himto see him. I worry that he won’t trust me if I do that.

4 February 2021 at 3:14 pm #49056 Report

Gummibear123
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While you say he is autistic,his reaction is very neurotypical for a child his age.His dad can say what he likes but without one of you physically forcing him to see his dad,what choice do you have? You are possibly correct in that he won’t trust you if you lie to him,I wouldn’t start that and if he’s living with you most of the time you need/he needs to be able to trust each other.Leave it to his dad to sort out in his own sweet way,I’m sure if your son doesn’t want to see him he will make it clear to his father.Not much you can do about being blamed unfortunately,but with time the truth usually becomes clear.

4 February 2021 at 3:29 pm #49058 Report

JuMar1
Participant

Thanks. That is what I think. I don’t want to force him and my son to resent me too but his dad doesn’t care about my relationship with our son.

It’s so hard as I want to do the right thing but I am damn3d if I do and damned if I don’t. I upset one or the other.

Also I don’t want to be seen to be blocking him seeing his dad as I am not, I am just listening to his views.

5 February 2021 at 2:48 am #49077 Report

Imshutout
Participant

How can you say leave it to his father to “sort it out ” the boy won’t see him but the parents love him. As the adults its down to you to sit down with the boy and explain things to him. For crying out loud he’s 11 years old grow up the pair of you. I am a straight talking person Gummybear123 thats the worst advice you can give. Your right about one thing though the truth will come out sooner or later so be prepared Gbear.

5 February 2021 at 4:19 am #49078 Report

Gummibear123
Participant

Hi.

I am wondering if your username says anything about your life and from which perspective you are giving your opinion.

If you read carefully you will see JuMar1 says her sons dad is not willing to converse or compromise in a mature fashion.Neither does it appear he cares about much other than getting his own way.From my own life experience I have learned you cannot force a loving relationship.You would be wise to note the child is autistic. Do you know anyone autistic? I wish you a lot of joy in convincing an autistic child to do something against their will.Your way Everyone stands to lose.If the child’s father has half a brain and was really concerned he would bribe the child back and shower him with love and stability.That is what was meant by ‘leave it to him’.

But,you are of course free to understand this as you will.
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