11 year old doesn’t want to visit dads help

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  • #59736 Report


    Hi gingerbread family.

    I’m stuck on a situation i really need advice with, i’l explain as much to the point as possible. the last 2 months my son has been exhibiting anxiety symptoms once dad says he’s on his way to collect him. the last 3 times he has been sobbing after saying he feels sick but not like he’s going to be sick. which immediately raised alarm bells as anxiety, then as to why. he’s a shy child, gentle and has a very calm, happy home life, but due to this he worries about getting people in trouble or thus getting himself in any sort of trouble. he finally opened up to me tonight after intially withdrawing completely to sobbing on the bathroom floor – after i mentioned daddies tomorrow. he opened up to me that his dad and partner are infact arguing quite a lot again ( less then 3 years ago a whole d.v case as physical abuse is present, social services interventions, this year alone i have had to approach him over arguements i have heard myself while my son is there and on online headsets with my child who is home. this includes reminding him what is and isnt respectful especially while my son is there visiting 6 days out of 30/31. the other child in the house will come off his console and get in bed when arguements break out, my son feels scared and has begged me to not make him go tomorrow. we spoke about everything and eventually he gave me consent to call his dad on this matter so we can find a solution to this issue. when i suggested a in person meeting with us 3 he became very upset and panicky again and expressed i speak on the phone instead he didnt want his dad to come here for that talk. i then contacted the dad in a very calm manner and explained why was upset. and that he didn’t want to go for tomorrows visit. suggested we talk and find a solution so contact can be maintained and was cut of and told my son is a liar, they only argued once this month ( we’re on day 18 so hardly a milestone anyway personal opinions aside) demanding i go back inside because said child needs to hear this f’ing conversation, it’s none of my f’ing business, our sons being over dramatic it wasn’t even that bad of a argument ( oh the contradictions go on for miles)  he was surprised he even hear them argue and not to contact him until my son decides he was in the wrong.

    so theres multiple issues here

    1.im in breach of our court order

    2. do i need to contact social services as i feel this is emotional abuse my son is being put through. d.v is now recognised as child abuse and i genuinely believe my son is falling victim here, again with a history of abuse towards myself and now his partner of years since myself and him split.

    3. do i take him back to court? and if so what outcome am i aiming for? he’s categorically expressed he will be having a stern talk with my son because he’s sick of him being babied and over exaggerating s**t – i have all these in messages in which i will not send my child into a lions den.

    4. i’m scared. of him and the repercussions of professional intervention ( he’s already tried to kick my front door off the hinges before) and secondly scared that any contact now could have negative emotional consequences my son would be subjected to whether thats now or even a month from now.

    my son loves his father, i have always supported and encouraged it too i only want whats best for my child and ensure he feels supported, loved and that his feelings, emotions and wishes are heard and respected. he is a child but his thoughts and feelings are just as valid as mine or yours, i just need some guidance and advice on how to move forward for a positive outcomes for my son

    #59800 Report


    Hi Flossymother, I’m one of the moderators here on the forum. I’m sure it won’t be long until you connect with other parents, but meanwhile, please look out for a direct message from me.

    best wishes,


    #59927 Report


    Hi helen

    thank you your advice has been really helpful

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