10 Yr Old Daughter Doesn’t want to Visit

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    Hi All,

    I have a 6yr old boy and 10yr old girl and separated from their mum 2.5 years ago after I left the relationship. The kids Mum and I still have a challenging relationship and I feel she still holds a lot of anger towards me. 

    I have had regular access (Wed nights, every other weekend) since the separation.

    In Nov last year their Mum met someone who moved into the house. He seems to be a decent bloke and kind to her and the kids.

    However recently my Daughter becomes distressed when she is with me, becomes upset and asks to go home to her Mums. Whilst it is incredibly hard I hate to see her upset so allow her to do so if this happens. It started on the second night of a weekend but has got progressively worse and today her Mum said she does not want to come over to me to either stay or even just for dinner. 

    As this has been happening I have been trying to understand why she would be feeling this and even saw a councillor to help get her to open up but every  time I raise it, she shuts down. 

    I spoke to her Mum on the phone today who said my daughter had said it was because she does not feel comfortable. I do everything I can to meet their needs and provide a safe, secure, fun environment, I don’t shout and just do not understand what I can do more. 

    I am now at a loss as what to do. I do not want to make my daughter upset or try to force her to do something she is not comfortable with but can’t just give up on her. 

    I’m heartbroken and so lost 

    Any advice would be so much appreciated

    p.s. My son is absolutely fine and seems to really enjoy our tome together 

    #48094 Report



    Girls need their fathers.Your daughter might just be going through a difficult time adjusting having a new man in the house and needs time to sort out her feelings.If you’ve had a loving relationship until now,she might just need time.Whatever you do,don’t give up on her.She needs to know you are still their for her for when she’s ready.Kids,like puppies,are not just for Christmas and when a marriage crumbles or a parent leaves they get hurt.Every single time.If you give up long term she might not forgive you further on down the line.Try to be patient and mbe find other ways to show you care e.g. Send little gifts or something with a loving msg.It’s all so painful…wishing you well.

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