1 year old baby – suggestions on contact /maintenance please

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  • #40627 Report

    Karen G

    I became a single mum just before babies’ first birthday. Moved into a property just before lockdown, thankfully.

    I’d like to find out the contact arrangements for a 1 year old that work /ed for other forum members?

    At present it’s 50/50.  4 days / nights with me and then the same with dad. However I feel that this isn’t good for a young baby or any child as they are moving to different houses every few days. This is my opinion and respect others that have chosen to do this.

    I would prefer that dad has every other weekend and perhaps 1 day or night in the week, however I feel there may be resistance from dad. He states he doesn’t have to pay maintenance if having baby 50% of the time.

    He hasn’t paid anything since we moved 3 months ago – again, any help / thoughts on this would be much appreciated. I feel that morally he should contribute to pay for clothes, toys, general costs.  We are both currently unemployed (this isn’t the norm, due to current circumstances).

    I have moved into a rented property and baby has their own room. Dad lives in a 1 bed.

    Any advice / thoughts would be really appreciated


    #40660 Report


    If what you are looking for is the best outcome for your child then you might need to get professional advice. What works for one person may not be right for you. Many kids grow up in 2 homes and I am always a firm believer that unless the child is at risk from the other parent every child deserves to have both parents. He is correct if you share custody 50/50 he does not pay anything. What you purchase I am assuming he has to do the same when baby is with him. So what do you mean morally? He is already contributing. He is present and taking actual physical care of his child. That is what he is supposed to do. He is being a fully involved parent to his child. If you are struggling financially make sure you are claiming all the benefits you are entitled to. Check your own expenses. Instead of both buying things maybe communicate and share the expense for purchases for the baby, eg instead of both having a car seat both contribute half and buy one that you share. Same with toys. If I my baby wants a toy I ask his dad to get it or give me half because he is more financially able to. I know you say you are concerned about baby spending time away but to be honest it comes across as you want him to have less time so you can get child maintenance. As a parent who has been through the courts I would advise you to honestly and genuinely evaluate your situation. He could do a lot less like a lot of absentee parents but he is doing everything he is meant to so if you go to court to try and change his contact arrangements a judge will not be kind. They will expect you to be able to state clearly what harm has been done to baby and how he is at fault. Not having an extra bedroom for a 1 year old is not anything to complain about. Hope that is not harsh but just being honest.

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