Reply To: Positive stories of only children with separated parents

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#41775 Report

Danny Cole
Participant

I was recently wondering the same with my 2-year-old as she’s an only child; and Curious George seems to be her best friend! A friend pointed out that guilt and worrying are only useful for letting you know there’s a potential problem to address. Other than that, it’s just a pointless, bad feeling. So do what you must for a mental reset and think about what you can do about it, as guilt and worry blocks creative thinking. Now, toddlers are extremely resilient so I wouldn’t worry too much. Right now the key thing is to get them reading, writing, talking and let them be curious little scientists without letting them get too close to death. I’m no expert and I’ve yet to go through the whole raising kids process, but here are some ideas that helped to be at peace:

Think about all the wisdom you learned throughout life. How much of it did you learn in school? Teach your son in his teen years all the wisdom schools don’t teach and you’ll be way ahead of the herd, because most parents rely on schools to do the teaching. But schools are there to have students memorise data (95% they forget) and squash creativity and curiosity [feel free to ask for evidence] as it is designed to produce obedient factory workers. Also if you take him to clubs/activities he will learn better social skills than most others, as he will have to introduce himself and get engaged regularly. Finally, when he’s older, tell him that most people are waiting to be told what to do next. Tell your son it’s up to him to lead the way and introduce everybody to one another. After all, toddlers will happily spend time with crafty stuff, but the job of a parent is to prepare them for life when they no longer live with us.

As for the split, I’ve seen kids grow up happily with separated parents, and plenty of kids bitter in a household where parents are unhappily married. If you’re in a good place, you’ll be a better parent, otherwise your stress will come out, like it or not. Especially with men; we typically lack patience and maternal drive compared to the ladies. Moms are ‘wired’ to show affection and coo over little ones, whereas dads are wired to provide and protect – it’s evolutionary biology. I mean, how often do males ask to babysit? I love that you give credit to the other parent, that’s definitely a good sign! And I wouldn’t worry about a toddler missing you, I’ve no doubt you are at home worrying while your son is painting away merrily, not even thinking about you at all. Sorry! haha