Reply To: Abusive ex take advantage of arranging contact to be verbally abusive

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plantaddict89
Participant

Sorry to hear you’re going through this.

Me and my ex separated 8 years ago, and up until 3 years ago had a relatively ‘good’ parental relationship. However since he met his current partner 3 years ago, his attitude towards me has deteriorated and I’ve had to contact the police on 4 occasions in the past 2 years for what they called domestic abuse (verbal and mental). I didn’t see it at the time, but sometimes it can take a while for reality to hit that that’s what it is.

At the beginning of lockdown I made the decision my son wouldn’t be going as I’m asthmatic and my ex was mixing households. He started hurling abuse at me again and accused me of child neglect (which he apparently has years of evidence to prove), and I contacted a solicitor to help me.

I am now in the process of negotiating a ‘consent order’. We are putting in times for visitation, and also that he can’t contact me unless it’s to arrange alternate child arrangements (which has to be via text so there’s a paper trail), and he’s only allowed to ring me in an emergency situation. He also has to wait at his car on pick ups/drop offs. All the same applies to me to make it fair, but no issue of me breaking the rules as I’m not the problem.

It might be something worth looking into, that way if you’re ex does text you about anything other than child arrangements, he’s breaching the court order. I am still in the process of arranging mine, it’s been going on since April 20th, but I know in the long run it will be worth it to feel like I have my life back and not have to put up with his verbal abuse anymore.

I hope that helps and you get something sorted.