Reply To: Handing over child benefit to dad

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Yes he has been controlling all the way through our marriage so it’s no surprise he’s still trying to keep control.

Ive said no to him having him when I work because as you said I’d never see him. Last week I offered him contact every day I went to work (four times) and he either declined or ignored my messages. Saturday night he sent a message asking to have him for the evening. I’d been at work all day Saturday and not long got in. I said no as it was my time to see our son. I offered him contact for Monday (tomorrow) as I’m working. He accepted and then later said ‘can’t do tomorrow. Sure you’re covered’.

I am really hesitant to hand over child benefits to him as well. It would designate him ‘primary caregiver’ and give him even more control. He’d also be able to claim child maintenance as I’m working. It doesn’t sit right with me but I’m trying to see where I stand legally.

I’m going to mediation but I’m not sure how far I’ll get or whether he’ll even stick to any arrangements!

I’m struggling to know what to do or where to go. The abusive relationship has left me with low self-esteem and low confidence in my ability to make good decisions. He always said I’m rubbish at everything from being a mum to cooking to finances. I am beginning to recognise when he is trying to coerce or control me. It’s hard.

Thanks for replying x