Reply To: Life after attempted suicide *Trigger warning*
Im sorry that things went this way for you. Ive struggled with postnatal depression since having my first child and it got sognificantly worse after my second child. I too am a single mum. Even nearly 3 years on from having my youngest I still suffer with the effects of PND – I have developed an anxiety disorder and suffer mood swings from deep depression, to mania to axtreme anger. Its hard dealing with it. And its hard dealing with kids by yourself. They are constant.
I will say this to you – the parenthood side of things does get easier. As they get a little older and a little more independant it takes some of the pressure off you. And you’re son is just at an age where he’ll be getting ready to start preschool (once this pandemic is over) and not far off starting school itself. Things will change dramatically for you then in a good way!
Dont feel too much pressure to wean yourself off the meds. Im still on meds and not even ashamed to say it. At the end of the day having a baby caused a massive hormonal response in my body and triggered a hormonal imbalance and thats nothing to be ashamed of at all and if you need meds to help re-balance those chemicals then again thats nothing to be ashamed of. When I was at my worst before I started new meds 2 years ago I was also suicidal. I didnt attempt it purely out of luck that I had family who saw the signs ans intervened and got me in touch with my doctor before it escalated. But I srill have dark moments from time to time where I think the kdis would be better off without me and times I struggle to cope with how awful the world can be and the pressure of parenthood. But each time I reject those thoughts Im a little stronger for it and theres a little longer between when I rejected them and when they happen again. My home is covered in picture frames with pictures of my kids to remind me every time I walk into a room what I have to be thankful for and why I have to keep going. But the best advice of all I was given was that each morning you wake up means you’ve survived another 24 hours. Its another day you’ve kept going and made it through. And to take it day by day and not to put too much pressure on yourself. And that mentality of seeing each day as a victory really did help me massively.
I would say stick with the meds – if you start feeling better that could be cause the meds are working smd therefore you shouldnt rush to come off them again. Seek help in your darkest moments – everyone needs help from time to time theres no shame in that and mental healthbis not trivial or a burden to doctors. Take life one day at a time just now. And most importantly be kind to yourself.
Hope this helps and all the best. Pm me if you ever need a chat