Reply To: Pregnant and Alone

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Maria Morningstar

Dear Stephanie.

I’m sorry that you find yourself in this situation. Pregnancy is hard, and with all the uncertainty we are facing you’ve got a double whammy. So I firstly want to say well done, and keep going!

I have been in a remarkably similar situation and I had a lot of the same feelings of self doubt as you. I want you to know that you can do this. It sounds as though you have friends who have your back (given their reaction to your current situation :)) and you may have trusted family too.

I would encourage you to share what you are going through with your “inner circle” and with your health worker who will be able to put you in touch with support re finances, well being, groups, childrens centres, housing etc. There is ALOT of support out there but you have to ask (I wish I had asked sooner but didnt because I felt ashamed).

In my opinion the behaviour you have described from you ex partner is full of red flags. Please tread carefully with any future interactions with him. You dont know this person well and if he wants to be involved he needs to earn your trust gradually over time with consistent solutions-focused communication. You set the pace, and if he is a normal healthy person he will understand that.

I think you were right to leave. It is alarming that someone could show that level of disinterest in their child, go from hot to cold so quickly and then be on dating sites again despite having just got someone pregnant. None of this is okay.

Please surround yourself with a bubble of support. It will be your protective bubble and you will need it. There is a little life growing inside of you who will count on your for everything so keeping yourself safe and sane is your only job right now:) There is also feirce muma bear inside of you who knows what to do!

My daughter is 3 1/2 years old now. She is absolutely amazes me every day. You’ve got some really, REALLY exciting things to come! All things you can share with that trusted “inner circle”.

Personally, I haven’t dated since I left during the pregnancy. I wanted to focus all my energy on her to make these early years as stable as possible. We have a wonderful life despite modest means. The father became increasingly abusive after I left and made my life hell so I had to involve the police. He was then killed in a car accident. Honestly you couldn’t write it.

You’ve got this.

Stay safe, strong, and get to work on that bubble. Sending a big (socially distanced) hug. 🌻🌻