Reply To: Advice needed – being harrassed by my ex-wife

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Steve1986
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Harold,

I can relate to this. My ex doesn’t send me war and peace, but whenever I receive any COMMS from her I get a tight knot in my stomach and I feel incredibly anxious. Last week it stressed me out so badly that it flared up my eczema- the worst it has been for 15 years. It took several days to get it back under control.

Do you have a trusted friend or family member who would be willing to be an emergency go-between? What I am thinking is this:

Explain to her that you are taking steps to safeguard your wellbeing and self-care (which you are perfectly entitled to). Buy a cheap £10 pay-as-you-go phone and give her the number. Also give her the number of the “in an emergency” go-between. Explain that if it is a genuine emergency regarding the children she should phone the friend, who will then call you immediately. Aside from that, she is to use your “new” phone number (block her on your actual phone). Keep the cheap phone switched off and in a kitchen drawer – every few days when you’re feeling up to it, switch it on and clear the inbox. She will soon get tired of texting a switched-off phone, and will be too embarrassed to harass the emergency friend.

This is exactly what I intend to do with my ex once I have my court-appointed contact order (all being well). We will have clearly defined contact dates, so there will be no need for her to contact me unless it is an emergency.

Steve