Reply To: 17 weeks pregnant, about to become a single mum

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Hi Sala, welcome.

Don’t worry, motherhood is incredible.

Do you plan to return home once you graduate? Do you have family back home?

There may be some government help you can get in relation to being a student and pregnant – talk to your personal tutor at uni if you feel you can. I’m curious, which uni are you at?

See if there are any societies at your university that you could join where there might be others who share your interests, cultural background, or even single mothers. Check out the student’s union. Check out your local Gingerbread group! Chat to others in your halls if you are unable to go out at the moment. Are you registered at a hospital? Speak to your midwife. There is so much help out there and people are kinder than you might think.

What’s the situation with the father? It’s important to get this straight because like it or not he will be the biological father for the rest of his life, and you never know when he might decide he wants to be involved. The other side of that coin is making sure you have things in writing – i.e. where he acknowledges that he is the father, that he told you to get an abortion (WTF), that he wants nothing to do with the child. You could need any of this later. Also, he will be responsible for child maintenance. You can call and speak to the child maintenance service for free, even if you just want to understand more about how it works (0800 083 4375)

I felt compelled to respond to your post because the world can be a harsh place, and feeling like you’re alone in it is scary. Don’t ever let him make you feel like you are in any way wrong. You do what you want with your life. I would only say to always be honest and kind (even to those we would rather not be), and the universe will bring truth and kindness in return.

I hope this helps you a little, and please get in touch if you want someone to talk to.

Again, motherhood is incredible.

Nadia x