Reply To: Ex wife difficulties

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CarolWales
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Hi Adam

Sorry for not getting back to you sooner! I know exactly what you mean, we shouldn’t have to “manage” the way we speak to somebody. It shouldn’t be like this is one of the sentences that got stuck in my head a lot and still does whenever things aren’t working very well. But it is like that and it’ll make it easier for you if you adapt your ways for a while, and making things manageable is what’s important right now.

What you describe re her behaviour sounds to me like she’s realising she messed up and is shutting down rather than admitting that, although I might be projecting here because it sounds like something I would do and am trying really hard not to anymore. Either way, it’s hard to communicate with anybody over something as important as your son, especially when there is so much emotional baggage attached to it, as well as you both communicating differently. I hope you find a way forward that works for you, at least most of the time.

I on the other hand have just managed to pluck up the courage to think that maybe my son can stay with his Dad for the first time in May so that I can go to a wedding abroad without having to drag him along. Seeing as his dad has been talking about having him to stay over and putting in a sleeping area for him etc. for months, I thought the idea would go down well (it of course being all my fault that he hasn’t stayed over before). Not so much, he thinks the little one isn’t ready (he’s just turned two) and anyways is informing me that he is looking for a houseshare because he can’t afford his place anymore. With that bombshell all talk of weddings and staying over stopped! Here I am, gobsmacked. More fool me, shouldn’t have seen it coming, there is always something happening whenever I’m trying to take a step forward. Sorry, rant over. Didn’t mean to hijack your post.

 

All the best

Carol