Reply To: 2 years on from divorce.
I said the same to my ex that she will want children as she is young and also works with kids too. He said he didn’t want anymore, so he is either lying to himself, me or even her. Honestly I don’t care apart from the fact it could or will have repercussions on my boys. My ex has acted like a complete tool thinking with his tool since he has been with this woman and I have absolutely no idea who he is anymore either. All I know is that I am not to blame and I have absolutely no control over his actions or his bad choices.
It’s taken my along time and a lot of counselling to get to the point of where I can look him in the eye and have a conversation with him but trust me he still does ridiculous things that make me angry but I try and rise above them.
Me and my ex had visas to go and live in Australia this year…can you believe it. I have to say that I’m glad we never made it there because I can see that it very likely would have ended in disaster.
Well your ex sounds very much like mine a selfish narcissist. Trust me you will have no control over what he does with or without his woman and your best bet is to try and get on with your life and focus on what you want, easier said than done I know. I still struggle with this too but it does get easier and nothing is linear and your emotions will go up and down for a while, and there is no set time or date for you to move on but you will in your own time. Don’t be too harsh on yourself 🙂 give yourself credit to where you are today!
Before my ex left I hardly had a social life for about a year it was drop the kids off at school and do the household chores and maybe see one or two friends for a coffee now and then plus I used to do a bit of running and I even entered a few races. Since my ex has left me I have made a conscious effort to reconnect with my family and old friends plus I’ve made a few new friends along the way too, and I have literally just started running again. Funny enough I couldn’t face it last year at all as I just completely shut down. I’m studying with the Open university and I’m hoping to finish my degree in the next couple of years (I’m doing it part time) and I’m looking to go back to work too.
I was completely flawed by my ex behaviour and as I said before it is daily struggle as not only was I dealing with my own emotions I was and still am dealing with my kids emotions too. Trust me it will take you time to get through this but you will and you will come out of a stronger person in the end. I think I heard or saw this on an Anthony (Tony) Robbins documentary on Netflix ” I’m not your guru” like him or loath him it’s a good watch. He said thank the person who has treated you badly and has given you so much pain as if it wasn’t for them you wouldn’t be the person you are today – basically suggesting that eventually you will pick yourself up and drive yourself forward a stronger wiser person. He said it better than I have but I hope you get the picture. You are good enough, strong enough and you will definitely come out the other side. You’ve just had the wind knocked out of you but you can and will get back up 🙂
I’ve started divorce proceeding and the bit that is worrying me is of course all the finances but I will get through it and I will carry on building my life as I have over this last year….probably very likely with a few bumps along the way 🙂
Btw I’m 46 this year so I’m 6 years older than my ex and you know what age is just a number. No you will never be the 27 year old he’s with and good you’re you and be proud of that :)))
What do you like to do? Have you got a good support network around you?
I’m very happy to chat anytime and it is so funny how similar our stories are even the bit about Australia.
Sending you massive love and hugs xx