Reply To: Advice for someone about to co-parent

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Thank you both for your advice. We have a 1 year old together so it’ll be a very long journey ahead of us and thinking of it as 20 years really puts it into perspective. And alternating Xmas Day and Birthdays seems a good idea, thanks.

I worry about explaining all of this to her when she gets older, and having her realise none of it was her fault. If this is what she’s always known will it seem normal to her or will she try and push us back together and it get really awkward as I don’t want to bad-mouth her Dad?

As we get along amicably we want to keep it out of court. We are having 50:50 childcare, but as we agree does it really need to be agreed with a lawyer? I guess when she goes to school we’ll need to decide about school holidays. Is this something people agree separately to the standard childcare arrangements?

We are selling the house anyway and have reached agreement on the split of assets (he’s getting more than me as I have a higher paying job) which I’m fine with because it will give our child a stable home when she’s with her dad and I can always get a mortgage, and where little one will go to school (nearest me). Also agreed not to touch each others pensions. But what if he changes his mind on any of this in a few years time? Should we have it recorded somehow by a lawyer so we have a clean break?

We haven’t talked about which of the 5 reasons to name in the divorce. As I want to keep the friendliness going for the sake of our child, are there any problems with waiting for the 2 years separation if we’ve already divided up all the assets and sorted custody? Does the divorce reason become public record for our child to discover? Thank you